I worry too much.
I don't really worry about my job or the economy or climate change or any other major issues. Instead I worry about idiotic things like how will I find time to do the yard work? Do I have time to get my oil changed before I go to the grocery store? What are we going to do about the paint on Arica's car?
Because of this worrying I am simply unable to relax. I am a ball of nerves all the time. Arica can tell you with great detail about my fidgety annoying ways. Merely sitting on the couch with me can make a person sea sick.
I think it might be more anxiety than anything. Unfinished projects cause me the most problems. For this reason I could never build a house. I would be a nervous wreck the entire time. For the next 18 years the biggest unfinished project in my life is raising Braden. With this project I am already worrying about how everything I do will affect the way Braden turns out.
I worry that if I give in to him too often he will become a brat.
I worry that he throws too many fits.
I worry that if I am not firm enough he won't learn to mind.
I worry that he won't be polite.
I worry he will be "that" kid in Wal Mart.
I think a healthy amount of worry is necessary in parenting. No one should parent in a willy nilly style without a care in the world. After all we are raising little people here.
The problem with my worrying is that it regularly keeps me from enjoying my time with Braden. Rather than just living in the moment I am already 10 years down the road wondering how our current activity will affect his ability to behave in school. Each task becomes a step in this long drawn out path to raising a good child. Nothing can be done without considering the consequences.
The result of this type of parenting is that I am about as much fun as a root canal. Braden would surely love it if sometimes I just said OK let's eat some chocolate and play in the cabinets without worrying if he is getting his way too easily.
I clearly need to be more flexible. I need to make sure I enjoy every moment I have with Braden. When he is throwing a fit I should react accordingly in that moment without worrying about how I might be screwing up his life. Raising a kid is hard enough without trying to live up to all these preconceived notions I have about perfect parenting.
I hope that in the future I can deal with each situation as it arises. I hope I can stop worrying until there is something to really worry about.
One thing about all this is for sure. If I keep on worrying about every little thing in Braden's life there is no need to wonder how he will turn out. Braden will turn out high strung.
Starting today I am I hope I can make my decisions with Braden based on Love not Fear.