It was hard to watch him drive away. It felt like he was taking a part of my manhood with him. At the same time it was certain that he was taking away part of my past. Left in the driveway watching him go I was staring at my future. Even though I stood frozen, feet planted firmly on the cracked slope of our driveway, I was taking a big step towards a better life.
This was probably the first time that I have ever given something completely selflessly. So often I give only so I might get in return. My giving is part of some grand plan to get what I want. This time was different. I was getting nothing in return. The situation looked so dire that I actually tried to back out of the deal a few days earlier. I tried to get myself off the hook.
In so doing I nearly ruined the selfless act altogether. For it is not enough to give. In order for your giving to truly matter you have to give with the right attitude. Every man has been asked to do the dishes and had some smart remark in response. Even though we end up doing the dishes anyway, our wives are not standing in line to sing our praises. That is because we didn't do it with the right attitude. We have to give with a cheerful heart for the true impact to be felt.
So even as my fishing boat drove off into the midday sun I felt a tinge of joy in my heart. I knew this was the right thing to do for our growing family. I'm thankful that Arica was there for me when I had a little crisis of selfishness. If not for her I probably would have went fishing instead.
Twins don't wait until they arrive to start changing your lives. They start right in from the time you see that first ultrasound. Changes have to be made, and I'm glad we have the ability to make them.
After all, I can fish with my Father-in-law whenever the mood strikes. It's not like I sold all my fishing gear and moved to the dessert. Fishing opportunities will always be there. The opportunity to raise twins is not so common.
Since I sold the boat I found out we are having two girls. That means the financial need is going to be even greater. And the money we got for the boat will buy an awful lot of shoes.