Hazards of the Job

Two weeks ago Arica and I went to a Tim McGraw concert. Before last year I hadn't been to a country music concert since I was about 6 or 7 years old. Now in the last 6 months I have been to two. They have both been fun. Live music is always fun, especially when you can sing along.

Lady Antebellum was also there. Arica wanted to go see them. I was OK to sing along with my look alike Mr. McGraw. A lot of people have told me I look like him. It's not my opinion but others.

While we were there something happened that embarrassed me but first a little background info.

When I was in high school I was a dork. I don't know exactly why, but I just was. I was different than the other rednecks. I was awkward socially, and it didn't help that I was the valedictorian.

When I went to college I met some guys and learned how to be "cool".  From that point on it was important to me that I be cool. I wanted to say the right things and give off the right image. Everything had to be manly. Words like beautiful and cute were not part of my vocabulary. Image was important.

Of course I have grown out of that to some extent. It is still important to be manly, but I have admitted that I am to some degree a pretty boy so there is some growth in that area. Now on with my story.

When you attend a concert at this particular arena you have to wear an armband if you want to drink a beer.  I am sure most of you have worn these armbands before. They stay attached by sticking to themselves.

If an inexperienced armband person puts yours on they can cause plenty of damage. If the sticky part is not completely covered then the exposed area will stick to your arm. If you are a person with hairy arms then the armband will pull on your arm hairs all night.

So here I was sitting among 20,000 screaming rednecks at the concert. Many of them hadn't showered. Most of them were wearing their boots and hats. Quite a few of them had been dipping in the sauce. All of them were good ole boys and girls. During a quiet time between performers my arm hair got caught in the armband. This is where it gets ugly.

In my typically loud voice I said, "owie."

Arica looked at me and asked if I knew what I had just said. I was trying to get my bearings. Did I, the man who chooses words based on coolness, just say that. It couldn't be.

I looked at the man next to Arica and he was just staring at me. He was looking me up and down. I think he was thinking about punching me in the face and taking my wallet. After all what could a man that says "owie" do about it.  All I could do was grin and bear it.

For any other new dads out there that think you can remain cool after having a child beware. After an extended period of being exposed to baby talk, stuffed animals, and Barney any man is susceptible. There is only so much Barney a man can take before the manly center of his brain is turned to mush.

Sure being defecated on is a big hazard of fatherhood, but I say losing your manhood in an arena full of country bumpkins is much much worse.