Friday, April 23, 2010

Hazards of the Job

Two weeks ago Arica and I went to a Tim McGraw concert. Before last year I hadn't been to a country music concert since I was about 6 or 7 years old. Now in the last 6 months I have been to two. They have both been fun. Live music is always fun, especially when you can sing along.

Lady Antebellum was also there. Arica wanted to go see them. I was OK to sing along with my look alike Mr. McGraw. A lot of people have told me I look like him. It's not my opinion but others.

While we were there something happened that embarrassed me but first a little background info.

When I was in high school I was a dork. I don't know exactly why, but I just was. I was different than the other rednecks. I was awkward socially, and it didn't help that I was the valedictorian.

When I went to college I met some guys and learned how to be "cool".  From that point on it was important to me that I be cool. I wanted to say the right things and give off the right image. Everything had to be manly. Words like beautiful and cute were not part of my vocabulary. Image was important.

Of course I have grown out of that to some extent. It is still important to be manly, but I have admitted that I am to some degree a pretty boy so there is some growth in that area. Now on with my story.

When you attend a concert at this particular arena you have to wear an armband if you want to drink a beer.  I am sure most of you have worn these armbands before. They stay attached by sticking to themselves.

If an inexperienced armband person puts yours on they can cause plenty of damage. If the sticky part is not completely covered then the exposed area will stick to your arm. If you are a person with hairy arms then the armband will pull on your arm hairs all night.

So here I was sitting among 20,000 screaming rednecks at the concert. Many of them hadn't showered. Most of them were wearing their boots and hats. Quite a few of them had been dipping in the sauce. All of them were good ole boys and girls. During a quiet time between performers my arm hair got caught in the armband. This is where it gets ugly.

In my typically loud voice I said, "owie."

Arica looked at me and asked if I knew what I had just said. I was trying to get my bearings. Did I, the man who chooses words based on coolness, just say that. It couldn't be.

I looked at the man next to Arica and he was just staring at me. He was looking me up and down. I think he was thinking about punching me in the face and taking my wallet. After all what could a man that says "owie" do about it.  All I could do was grin and bear it.

For any other new dads out there that think you can remain cool after having a child beware. After an extended period of being exposed to baby talk, stuffed animals, and Barney any man is susceptible. There is only so much Barney a man can take before the manly center of his brain is turned to mush.

Sure being defecated on is a big hazard of fatherhood, but I say losing your manhood in an arena full of country bumpkins is much much worse.


Katherine said...

*laughing* Even as a woman, I find myself saying "baby" terms in front of people at work. Most don't have kids, so they look at me funny. I can imagine it'd be worse for a man!

I refuse to let Barney invade my house. My sister is 12 years younger than me...I've already endured Barney torture, and I'm not sure I could survive another episode. :)

Brandy said...

hahahha. my boss went to the tulsa tim concert and he didn't know what to wear. he has 3 girls - 8,6,3 and doesn't have any cool concert clothes.

Daddy Files said...

Ouch buddy. "Owie" in front of rednecks at a Tim McGraw concert? You're luck you got out of there without a black eye.

But you're right, certain phrases do enter your life and you end up using them out in public. Sometimes regrettably. One day not too long ago I meant to ask for a glass but instead I said "Can you pass me a sippy cup?"

By the way, Tim McGraw is AWESOME. I may live in the northeast but I love my country music and his concert was great at the Boston Garden a few years back.

Gucci Mama said...

What can I say that you haven't already said to yourself? ;)

Captain Dumbass said...

Bwah ha ha! Too true, brother, too true.

WeaselMomma said...

Okay, sorry to laugh at you, but this is awesome funny.

SurprisedMom said...

So, you'd rather be defecated on rather than say owie at a Tim McGraw concert? This post had me smiling, ok laughing a bit, but still wincing for you.

BTW, love Tim McGraw and his "Southern Voice." I listen to a country music station up here and love the music. Can't wait until some of the bands start coming north.

KWG said...

Right on, brother. Embracing the wus within is the true test of manhood. Say "owie" and keep rockin' along with music.

Melinda said...

that was soooo funny!!
I remember mentioning to Rob that your previous header you reminded me of Tim McGraw.

Rob said...

I dont think I ever used the word "owie". That guy that was eyeing you should have punch you in the face and took your wallet and your lady all for saying "owie". That would have taught you to never say that word again. LOL. This made me LOL. That's for sharing.

PJ Mullen said...

I was never cool before I had kids, so I think I'll be alright. That was pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Bet Tim McGraw says owie too. You are fine.