Friday, February 18, 2011

Dream Reviews

I am not reviewing dreams today, but dreaming of reviews. I have been granted the opportunity to review a product for CSN Stores. CSN has over 200 online stores selling nearly everything imaginable. You can get everything from an L Shaped Desk to 50,000 Btu Gas Forced Air Heaters to literally the kitchen sink. You can't even find variety like that at Wal Mart.

Part of the fun of this review was shopping through all the possible items for purchase. I hate shopping, but a little online shopping is tolerable, especially when the store has everything from power tools to kitchen gadgets. While shopping for all this stuff I couldn't help but think of some potential parenting dream items.  These items are not in stores, as far as I know, but they would be a welcome addition to any home with small children.

Here is my list of 10 dream items that would excite parents everywhere. Feel free to take these ideas and run with them product development people.
  1. Sleep Ray Gun - I could use this baby during those 3 am play sessions that Braden loves to have. One shot of the Sleep Ray Gun and it's back to dream land for Braden and his loving parents.
  2. Poop Vaporizer - I stole this from a movie. Bonus points for anyone who actually saw the movie. There can't be many of you.
  3. Handy Helper - I stole this one too. It comes from a certain cartoon mouse. The Handy Helper is a giant hand that comes out of the wall and helps out around the house. I could always use another hand even if it's just to slap me back into consciousness.
  4. How to be a Jedi Guide - This would work two ways. Jedi mind trick on a toddler that is prone to arguing. Picking up toys without leaving the couch.
  5. Instant Chicken Nuggets - Sometimes that 10 minute prep time is our enemy.
  6. No Preview DVDs - Much like the nugget prep time the previews on children's DVDs are a killer. And most of the time you can't skip them. Note to DVD people: This is one of my least favorite features of any product I have ever owned. Fix it!!!
  7. Monkey Renewer - Braden's best friend in the world is his Monkey. This thing has literally been loved to death. Instant Monkey Renewal Spray could zap Monkey back to his original state thus eliminating the authentic monkey odor.
  8. Infinite Toy Box - This would be a small toy box that opens up into a bottomless pit of storage. There is no limit to the amount of cars, trucks, balls, and Toy Story figures you can put in this thing.
  9. 10 year batteries - Actually this should probably be number one and in all caps. Lets make a better battery people!!!
  10. Parenting Pill - For those days when I'm just not feeling it. I could use a pill to get me back in Dad mode. They have pills for everything else so why not?


Tom said...

I posted a similar thought to the sleep ray gun, except it was probably a little more diabolical: chloroform for kids.

I could definitely use that parenting pill. I'd have to get an industrial strength sized prescription for that one.

Here's another one, for older kids: mouth-be-gone. One spray, and your kids can't mouth off to you. The companion product to that would be tude-be-gone, which would instantly dissolve any attitude problems your teens might have.

Good ideas!

Katherine said...

I love them...all of them. Particularly the sleep ray gun and the Parenting Pill. I could use that Infinite Toy Box, too!

Brandy@YDK said...

you are a genius. no preview DVDs is awesome

Sheila said...

ha! This is great!!! You crack me up!!!

WeaselMomma said...

I love these product ideas! The Jedi mind trick would definitely be the most useful in my life. If I could master it, that is.

Manic Mommy said...

Dude. I would totally back you on the Bottomless Toy Box. I just bought yet another storage container for Legos yesterday. They're everywhere, I tell ya!

Any and all of these ideas would be of great use to all Mom (and dad) kind!

Captain Dumbass said...

I want number 2 and number 4.

Melisa with one S said...

Instant Chicken Nuggets: GENIUS, and would be great for the teen years too! Those teens don't like to wait for their after-school snack, you know.

PJ Mullen said...

Rather than the 10 year battery how about seamless integration of solar power into all toys so you don't need ANY batteries. I would pay double for a Buzz Lightyear that was solar powered.

Tim Riley said...

Hey Otter, just tagged you in my latest post.

I'm always working on my Jedi skills, so a Guide would be sweet. My girls like to think they're my padawans, so I'd have to hide it from them.

Eric said...

I would use the Jedi Mind Trick by waving my hand and saying.. "I am not the parent you are looking for."

Eric said...

Oh.. and the movie is Envy.. With Jack Black and Ben Stiller

SurprisedMom said...

Definitely the Jedi mind trick. It would be hand for parents of kids of any age. Definitely . . .

Great ideas and funny, too!