Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Stop Telling Me You Don't Want Girls

Time is flying by during this pregnancy for both me and Arica. She is now 17 weeks pregnant which is hard to believe. That puts us smack dab in the middle of the wondering about our babies sex period. We can't wait to know.

And with twins it is a much bigger deal. At least it feels that way to me. There are three possibilities sex wise rather than only two. There is also the fraternal/identical thing. This pregnancy could shake out any number of ways. We are really excited to find out, but rather than talk about that today I have some frustrations to vent.

I keep hearing pregnant friends say that they don't want to have girls. Even worse we have people saying that they don't want US to have girls, as if it is really any of their business. Some folks have even gone as far as joking if they are girls we should just send them back.

I will be honest and say that like most men I wanted a boy the first time. I was excited when we first saw Braden's boy parts. But I would never joke that I would send a baby back based on sex. To me that is just stupid, and frankly it's starting to get on my nerves big time.

Having kids is not like going to McDonald's and picking out a value meal. You don't get to make a choice. If you are able to have kids then you should just be thankful to be so blessed. People should just take what God gives them and be happy about it because there are plenty of people out there who would love to have kids but can't.

Sure I've made all the jokes about having girls and buying shotguns. I don't mind those. They are in good fun and somewhat realistic if you know me. Those jokes are good fun, but they don't in any way insinuate that I would rather give the girls back than protect them from teenage boys with raging hormones.

I also heard a story recently about another couple that found out they were having twins, and they just lost it. They didn't want twins. That would interfere with their lives. It was too hard. It wasn't fair.

Let me assure you that I understand how if feels to get that shocking news. It was overwhelming for me, but I would never suggest that I didn't want those babies. Having twins I feel doubly blessed even though I am aware that I will be doubly tired and doubly insane.

Maybe I need to lighten up a bit. I don't know.

Personally I just feel like having a baby is way too awesome of an experience to cheapen it by insinuating that if you don't get the kind of child you want you will be disappointed. What's next? People who will send their kids back if they aren't athletes or musicians? What about eye and hair color?

Everyone should rejoice in the miracle of life no matter what. I know I will.


Senorita Tortuga said...

I absolutely understand your point of view.

When I envision my life, I see myself with a big herd of boys. (By heard, I mean 2-3. I'm only capable of dealing with so much!)

BUT - if we had a girl - she would be equally as loved. I would only assume this goes without saying!!

I think that the idea of twins after having just one is SCARY. You know how easy one is, so getting two after one is quite an adjustment.
So, I'm not praying for something like that to happen to me.

However, again, if it happened, I would learn to deal :-) And probably move in with my mother.
You know, because I'm not ashamed to ask for help :-P

Jen said...

I can totally understand this. What ever the sex of the babies is will be awesome. You will handle it now matter what and one is not better than the other.

But I must say, raising a daughter is a whole new ball game. I have a post spinning in my head about this very subject right now.

Katherine said...

Well said. There are so many people who want to have children. Even people who had one easily and struggle to conceive again.

I have twins on my side, so it's a real fear that it could happen to us, but you know life was different before one....you adapt.

In terms of girl/boy. I secretly wanted a girl the first time around because I thought we might not have any more kids. When they said he was a boy, I was just as ecstatic. And now, I am SO happy Ethan is Ethan. You're right...at the end of the day, we should just feel so incredibly lucky to have healthy, beautiful children no matter what their sex. Pregnancy is risky business. There are a lot of variables to get right.

PJ Mullen said...

I think people really should learn to think before they speak. Personally, I knew our second pregnancy was going to be a girl and I was thrilled when it was confirmed. I too wanted a boy the first time around, but I am a complete sap for my baby girl and wouldn't want it any other way. So, I hope that at least one of the babies is a girl. After having a daughter for the past seven months I think every dad needs a little girl in his life.

Pete said...

I agree with you. People should be thankful for 10m toes, 10 fingers & good health!
I do believe however, that when people say these things, they mean to be humorous not hurtful. As PJ said, they just need to learn to think first.

Brandy@YDK said...

You are awesome. And you will be an awesome dad to your twins. No matter the sex.

People are dumb.

Ordinary Dad said...

I agree, people should be careful what they say to expecting parents, because they may be joking now, but they'll remember everything they said when you actually do have girls...

seashore subjects said...

I second PJ - people don't think.

Having the experience of both genders I can honestly say that though they are very different, they are also both wonderful! I wish you many blessings regardless of gender.

WeaselMomma said...

I'm with you, take what you get and treasure it.

Having had a boy and many girls, I can tell you the the experience is completely different. One is not better than the other, but it is just different. They are equally awesome experiences with their own joys and challenges.

I personally hope that before your parenthood voyage is over that you do indeed have a girl. Just so that you will the know the joys of having daughters and the joy of sons.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Great point. If they are girls you are already preforming high on the protector scale. Good on you for making the point.

Christine said...

When my third niece was born, a coworker actually asked my BIL if he was disappointed. His answer: "Yes, we've decided not to love this one."

Here's my take: boys are more physically exhausting, girls are more mentally exhausting. There will always be a piece of my heart that regrets not having a girl but I could never look at either my boys with anything other than love, awe, and gratitude.

Ignore everyone and embrace the miracle.

Melisa with one S said...

Well said. Healthy babies are all you (or anyone) should hope for during a pregnancy. All of the other details are not important, at all!

People drive me nuts sometimes.

SurprisedMom said...

People are amazing, aren't they? I don't understand why people think they should spout off about things that are really none of their business or make tasteless jokes about the same.

You are going to be a great Dad to your babies. I like your attitude!