Dear Mother Nature

Let's continue on this outdoor adventure train of thought for one more post. I've been locked up indoors since deer season ended in December, but not too long ago I was spending significant time in the great outdoors. And during that time, while I was perched atop my deer stand NOT killing deer, I thought of all sorts of questions.

These questions weren't actually formed by my own curiosity, but more out of a fear of Braden's coming curiosity. Right now he only asks "What's that!" He asks it all the time. Sometimes he'll ask it 50 straight times. But it is still a much much easier question to answer than a "Why?" question.

Sitting in the woods I thought of several questions that Braden could potentially put out there some day. Questions that I can't answer. So today I'm asking someone who might know.

Dear Mother Nature,

• Do woodpeckers ever get a headache?
• Do squirrels suffer from the small man syndrome or are they always making all that noise for another reason?
• Deer taste good and they seem smart in order to help them survive. Conversely, do dumb animals taste bad?
• Why did you  make mosquitoes? WHY!?!
• Why did you make armadillos so dumb and ugly? It just doesn't seem fair.
• Why did the chicken cross the road?...To prove to the armadillo it was possible. Sorry. I knew the answer to that one.
• Do deer really hate me?
• If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
• Can you get me tickets to the Super Bowl?

Sorry I got off track there at the end. In closing thanks for making all the natural wonders, animals, plants, and trees that I enjoy so much. And if you can get me tickets just shoot me an email.

Who's On Stage: Super Bowl XLIV

I have nothing on my mind about parenting today, so I will tackle the Super Bowl. It is the dominating topic in our country this week so I might as well join the fray.

I think there could be a new Abbot and Costello routine born this weekend.  I foresee one of the many young kids that the NFL funnels down to the stage to dance and act crazy during the halftime show turning to a more educated fan to ask about the pensioners playing on stage. It might sound like this.

kid: What are these old geezers called?
adult: They are called The Who.
kid: I can't hear you. Who?
adult: That's right.
kid: What's right?
adult: The who
kid: That's what I'm asking

Now after that awful attempt a humor I will give you my 10 thoughts about Super Bowl XXIV. That is Roman for Super Bowl 44.

1. More people will watch the game for the commercials than for the athletic contest.
2. Many businesses will suffer a huge lack of productivity on Monday.
3. There will be no less than 100 references to Hurricane Katrina.
4. Some players between now and Sunday will make the news because of something that happened after dark on South Beach.
5. I will eat a lot of food.
6. The pregame shows will be ridiculously long and boring.
7. Someone will ask what does XLIV mean.
8. We will get plenty of random shots of celebrities especially those working for CBS.
9. There will be commercials about beer.
10. Peyton Manning will become the dorkiest QB to ever win two Super Bowls.

Super Bowl 2009

The Super Bowl is the most overblown ridiculous sporting event ever imaginable. I say that with an unblemished record as a pure sports nut. I watch sports every chance I get and I have not missed a Super Bowl that I can remember. So I will be watching this year, but I just wanted to note that I think it has gotten out of control. Super Bowl Sunday is one of the biggest party days of the year right up there with New Years Eve and the 4th of July. People that have no idea what constitutes pass interference have been planning parties for weeks. Everyone will be dusting off their best appetizer recipes and digging the grill out of the garage to get ready for the big game.


The game is incredibly secondary to everything else, but for what it is worth I am pretty sure that the Steelers will win. I will be pulling for the Cardinals because I am more of an underdog supporter. I think half of the people at my brother-in-laws party will be cheering for the commercials. Somewhere amongst the 5 hour pregame, the incredibly important commercials, Bruce Springsteen, and alternating trips to the bathroom and the buffet line there might even be a good game.


With all of this in mind I would like to introduce 2 things that I hope change by the time Braden is enjoying Super Bowl parties.

1. Move the Super Bowl to Saturday: You can't have a great party when you have to go to work the next day. It would be so much better if the big game was followed by a day of rest. After college football is over the NFL plays regular season and playoff games on Saturday so there is really no reason not to move the Super Bowl as well.


2. Stop with the Roman Numerals: We are not Roman for one thing and we have our own system of numbers as well but that is not what I propose we use. How about calling this the 2009 Super Bowl. What a novel idea! When remembering Super Bowls past we remember them by the year not if they were the 14th, 28th, or 43rd Super Bowl in the history of the NFL. This makes no sense so let's stop it now.

This is my plea to the world out there. After all isn't it a dad's job to try and make the future a better place for his children. So help me get these changes made. Don't do it for me. Do it for the kids.