Running with Scissors

I am thinking about the scope of my blog today. What kind of blog is this? A friend of mine told me recently that he considered it sort of a road map of what he could expect when he became a father. Of course we look at life through very similar eyes so maybe he can actually get something from all this mess.

In reality I don't think I have ever offered a word of advice in this space. I have told a lot of stories. In fact I think that is really my writing style. I tell a story mixed with a few examples and references to things that I find important in life like Seinfeld, Pearl Jam, and baseball.

I have also told some jokes and made some fairly obvious observations. One of my favorite things to do is philosophize on different topics relating to parenting. In these cases I have told about my philosophies on what is important to me in raising my son. Of course all of this is just wishful thinking. In fact I write a lot of this stuff as a target for my own parenting efforts. I rarely hit the bulls eye but it is nice to have something to aim at.

Still I have offered no advice. Maybe some day I will drop some profound wisdom on you readers, but today I can only offer this:

While keeping your children from dangerous activities like running with scissors is very important to their physical health, it is also important for us as parents to ensure the mental health of our offspring by not being too overbearing in our desire to keep them from harm.

After all you don't want to raise a child that ends up like this, do you?

John Ratzenberger Spans Generations

I have watched Cars so many times the past few weeks that I honestly was trying to explain to Arica last night some deeper meaning that I had attributed to the movie. That may have been the last straw, but with Braden acquiring a toy Doc and the Cars sound track over the weekend I probably still have a few hundred more viewings to go.

I promise to stop writing about our favorite family movie soon, but I have one more thought inspired by the animated talking automobiles today.

The topic of changes from generation to generation has been covered ad nauseum. No one needs me to tell them how much different our children's life will be from our own. We have all considered the disappearance of VCRs and eventually DVDs and CDs. We know about life before computers and cell phones. Certainly we are all aware that our children will consider us prehistoric dinosaurs when we try to explain to them our childhood.

This has been going on for the entire history of mankind. I am sure young Caveman Jr. once laughed at his Dad when he learned about Dad's life before the discovery of fire.

Today's generation gap spanning thought is about TV. Imagine that. I am talking about TV again.

During one of my myriad of recent Cars viewings I began thinking about John Ratzenberger who played the know it all mail man Cliff Clavin on Cheers. I love Cheers and I still watch reruns from time to time. I imagine it will be one of my staple old man shows someday when I reach that age which prohibits me from watching any new TV shows. It seems to happen to all old people. That's why someone invented TV Land.

When that happens to me Braden will walk into the room while I am watching Cheers. During one of Cliff's crazy stories he will get that look of sudden realization in his eyes and say, "Hey Dad, That's Mack!"

To which I will only elicit the groan of an old man who just instantly aged 20 more years.

People Watching in Amsterdam

I found out on Friday that I had to leave again for Scotland on Tuesday. Giving me only four days notice was pretty crappy on my boss’s part. Unfortunately as the only non family member of this family owned business this is my lot in life. I had no choice but to go.

So here I am typing this post from the Amsterdam international Airport. The official name of this place s is Schi-something, but I can’t remember. Give me a break on that one. I am working on about two hours sleep.

As I am sitting here drinking an espresso and watching the unbelievably diverse mass of humanity pass me by, I am reminded of a Cheers episode. Yes I am reminded of TV at all times, even in Amsterdam, the Netherlands...er…Holland…er…the Dutch. These people need to make up their mind.

In this particular episode Woody leaves the bar for a week’s vacation. When he returns everyone in the bar asks him about his exotic destination. Woody replies that he didn’t go. He missed his flight. Of course everyone then asked where he had been for the past week. Woody spent the week at the airport and had the greatest vacation of his life. He met people from all around the world. It was amazing.

Of course nobody I have ever met is quite as simple as Woody. I don’t think anyone would actually do what Woody did in this instance anymore than they would repeat any of his other shenanigans. There is, however, some truth to Woody’s view of the airport. There is really no other place that you can see people from so many walks of life all in one place.

While Woody’s adventure took place at Boston Logan I am going to advise a few other places that might be better for people watching. I think a two of the best might be Paris Charles de Gaulle and where I am sitting right now. I am not sure I have ever seen such diversity as I am seeing here in Holland. This airport in Amsterdam is the gateway to Europe, Asia, and Africa. There are people from all corners of the globe.

I am not typically a people watcher, but when you have two hours to kill without a book to read you resort to other tactics. If you add in the sleep deprivation this becomes quite a fun game. You can imagine all sorts of adventures for your fellow travelers when your mind isn’t functioning properly.

I guess my point is that if you are ever really bored and broke, go down to your local airport and meet some interesting people. Otherwise try not to ever get stuck in a sleep deprived layover in some foreign land. If you do then you might post something as insane as this.

Fisher Price Mail Man

Braden's new favorite toy is the Fisher Price Laugh & Learn Learning Letters Mailbox. Fisher Price really should try to get some longer names for their toys. These are just too easy to remember. Anyway the mailbox is the third in our lineup of laugh and learn toys. I wrote about the Puppy here. We also have the Laugh and Learn Storybook Rhymes. This Fisher Price bunch is a monster.

I know many bloggers out there review products for free samples and other compensation. That is fine with me. After all the only thing better than free stuff is free beer. And the only thing better than free beer is free cold beer. So review to the tune of free stuff if you want. This post is netting me nothing. I just wanted to share a little bit about Braden's favorite new toy.

No matter where we place the mail box Braden finds it. He will roll over onto his tummy and seek it out. Once he finds the toy he makes his way too it by a series of rolling and scooting maneuvers. Using these methods he can reach most places in the living room. When he gets the mail box in his mitts he turns it over, opens it up, and gets the mail. Once he gets the mail he starts trying to eat it. He may be on to something here. Eating bills sounds a lot more pleasurable than paying them. I don't know if Fisher Price meant for the plastic letters to serve as teethers, but they do a good job. Braden loves to chew on them.

The box sings and is brightly colored. I'm sure that the bright colors help draw Braden to the postal receptacle. The songs certainly make him happy too. I still think there might be something more powerful drawing him towards the postal arena. This something is his DNA.

My Dad has been a mail man all my life. It's a part of my family tradition. I once told my parents that I wasn't going to college. I was going to stay home and join the family business. The business was of course delivering the mail. My mother, perhaps worried I was serious, demanded I go to college. So my dreams of following in my Dad's footsteps ended.

My interest in the post office didn't end there though. My two favorite sitcoms of all time are "Seinfeld" and "Cheers". Yes, both shows have mail men as prominent characters. Coincidence? I think not. Cliff Clavin is one of my favorite Cheers characters. He is funny in a helpless loser kind of way.

Seinfeld sports the dark rantings of Newman. He has spouted many great lines on the show. He also has some funny descriptions of the postal service that I always tried to share with my Dad. I don't think he was amused, but I shared anyway. Dad never was stressed too much by the mail, but it happens. Here's Newman's take on that.

My Dad was a mail man. I am drawn to sitcoms with funny mail men. Braden is drawn to toy mail boxes. Our dog likes to raise his leg and mark mail boxes. All these things are too much to overlook. The men in this family must have letter carrying DNA.

Baby Shots Round Two

This morning was Braden's 4 month doctor visit. At his last visit he received his first round of shots. While I wrote here that the shots were not so bad last time, Braden seemed to be much more anti shots today. He clearly voiced his displeasure when the nurse plunged her needle into his chubby little thigh. It's hard to watch them cry from pain, but it has to be done. The painful crying doesn't last long before it turns into an I am mad scream. The I am mad scream can be gently calmed by a loving mother. It is at times like these that a baby just wants mommy. After getting dressed and put back in his car seat all was well again in little Braden's world.

The bigger news is that Braden has been cleared for green veggies. That is the doctor's term not mine. I would be more inclined to call it jars of green goo. Some of the jars I have seen remind me of the Veggie Boy drink that Woody once hocked on Cheers. It was a supposedly nutritious green slime that Woody advertised but hated. Frasier then hypnotized him into liking the drink which subsequently went out of business. Woody now a crazed Veggie Boy fan plans to grow kale so he can make his own green drink. You can be certain that no matter how much Braden likes his new Veggie Boy slime we will not be planting a garden and buying an industrial size food processor. I fully expect to have further stories to share on this topic after we take a test run.

The doctors tell you that it is of the utmost importance for your children to get proper nutrition during their early years. Our pediatrician said that a child grows about half of his total height by the time he is 2 years old. This is why proper nutrition for babies is so important. As I watch my new favorite show, Mark and Olly, I can see what the lack of proper nutrition can do to a person. The Machigenga men are about 5 feet tall. While they are certainly on breast milk at first their nutrition following that must not be too great. Apparently eating monkeys and bugs does not a tall Machigenga make. Knowing what is at stake Arica and I will forge ahead with feeding our little man spoonful after spoonful of the gooey goodness that will now makeup a vital part of his diet.

Wish List

I am not a dreamer here to wish for world peace or an end to poverty. I dare not even dream big enough to wish for a four wheeler or a new truck. I am wishing for all the little things that everyone else overlooks. I think these wishes deserve to be heard because to borrow from Dr. Seuss, "Wishes are wishes no matter how small."

1. I wish I could get more links and followers for my blog. Feel free to help this wish come true. Thanks to Al Bundy at Husband Land for helping this dream come true before I even asked.
2. I wish I could go to the moon without all the inconvenience of space travel.
3. I wish every restaraunt would deliver not just pizza and Chinese.
4. I wish American Idol would stop interrupting every TV show on Fox during the spring.
5. I wish every baseball player that took steroids would be forced into a steel cage death match with someone that took more steroids.
6. I wish that Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David would team up again during my life time.
7. I wish Reese's would just make their regular cups as thick as the holiday versions like the Easter eggs.
8. I wish TV land or someone else would put reruns of Cheers back on the air. I miss them.
9. I wish Braden would magically start sleeping in his bed rather than his swing.
10. I wish big scary beards would become cool so I could stop shaving.
11. I wish the movie theaters would lower their prices during recessions. If gas and grocery prices can go down why not matinee tickets.
12. I wish comedic actors would retire at their career peaks rather than giving us movies like "Meet Dave" and "Funny Money".
13. I wish I could apply for a position at Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
14. I wish horseshoes was an olympic sport.
15. I wish Wal-Mart would surprise me one day and have every register open at the same time.
16. I wish there was an instruction guide to tipping. I am losing track of everyone I am supposed to tip.
17. I wish furniture quality was in some way relative to the price.
18. I wish I understood baby talk so I could hear what Braden has to say.
19. I wish everyone would give hot dogs a break.
20. I wish I had something better to write about.