Being a Better Husband

I wrote my Twin Girls Top 10 about things I needed to do about two weeks ago. It was all in good fun until I got down to number ten. The last item was to be a better husband so my girls will have a good example of how they deserve to be treated. This line of thinking has been stuck in my head for quite a while now. The fact that their idea of what a man should be will come almost entirely from me is beyond scary.

I don't know why setting an example seems to be more critical now with girls than it did with Braden. He is also getting his example from me. I guess it comes from that innate fatherly instinct to protect your little girls. They're not even here yet and I'm already wrapped around their little fingers.

For much of my life I thought I would be the typical Dad as portrayed on TV. I thought I would be the 1950 version of Dad. I would work. I would come home. I would sit in my recliner, drink beer, and watch sports. I didn't need to cook, clean, or do anything else.

Thankfully reality eventually set in. Now I don't even have a recliner.

After work I try to help the best I can. I like to cook actually. I don't think anyone likes to clean, but I help a little. I share the duties with Braden as well. Sometimes I may need to be reminded of what those duties are, but once prodded I can help.

Being an example for the girls is much more than all that though. It is not necessarily about dutifully pulling my share of the load. I can't represent my part in the marriage as the ox that carries the heavy load because he has too. Dad can't be the guy that does all these things out of a sense of duty or worse yet just to stay out of trouble.

I have to be loving above all else. I  read a verse from the book of John today where Jesus says, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." My attitude and help around the house must be taken in the same light. I am not being commanded. That is not the point. The point is that if I love Arica, I should want to help her as much as possible. I should show my love through my actions.

I should happily mop the floor.

I should joyfully fold the clothes.

I should rejoice in changing a dirty diaper.

Let me be the first to admit that this type attitude is not easy for me. I'm human. I would rather watch a ballgame than do any of that stuff. And that is why I wrote #10 the way I did. I have a lot of room to improve as a husband. There is always room to improve, and I want to strive towards a more perfect love that can be seen easily by my children.

These are just the things I think about when my mind wanders. I think it's a lot more productive than my pre-children day dreaming of fishing and cold beer.

What is Date Night?

Date night is something Arica and I planned while Braden was still cooking. We enjoy a close relationship and relish the opportunity to spend time together. We knew a baby would make it difficult to focus on our relationship on most days. For this reason we wanted to plan a day every week just for us. This way we could stay connected as a loving couple rather than becoming only partners in child raising much like Smith and Wesson were partners in gun making.

I know many people follow this same type of plan. If you are a couple that does not practice a regular date night then I highly recommend it. It works wonders for stress reduction and happiness production.

Tuesday night is our regular date night. Sometimes we do the traditional dinner and a movie. Many nights we just stay home and cook a nice meal for each other. I like to cook theme meals for Italian or Japanese nights. Not long ago we had a Caribbean night complete with Rum punch. Other nights Arica will cook some of my home cooked favorites. We may go shopping. We may on that rare occasion even head out of town to Little Rock for the evening. The only thing that is important is that we spend our time focused on each other.

Of course you need someone to watch the kids for this night to be successful. Arica and I are lucky to have her Mom living nearby. She takes Braden on Tuesdays for us. Without her date night would not be possible.

We need date night because life as a parent is sometimes so difficult that your inner parent will destroy and eat your inner husband or wife. Obviously you cannot kill the inner parent. You need him. So the only way to keep a balance is to strengthen your inner spouse so he can live alongside the inner parent. Romantic dinners, flowers, movies, walks in the park, live music, or anything else you and your partner enjoy is a great way to strengthen your inner spouse. Romantic outings are to the inner spouse what spinach is to Popeye.

My inner spouse loves spinach, and I love date night. It gives Arica and I a needed break from the stress of full time parenting. It also allows us to remain strong in our relationship so that we can provide a happy home for Braden. I think that is one of our most important responsibilities as parents.

I encourage you to set a day this week and spend some quality alone time with your significant other. By doing so you are saving your inner husband or wife. If you don't care for that relationship then it can die. So don't wait until it's too late.