Boy Parts

Arica and I have two friends and one sister-in-law that are currently pregnant. In the past month I have seen ultrasound pictures of both friend's babies. One was the first ultrasound. The other was that ever proud sex determining second ultrasound.

Our friends proudly showed us the picture so carefully labeled with the words "boy parts" (couldn't a medical professional come up with a better term?). They could barely contain their joy. Their little swimmer had boy parts. This little phrase and the sharing of black and white photos has long since surpassed the traditional declaration of "it's a boy" that used to follow right after birth.

I think it's a good thing. It gives everyone the opportunity to be ready with gender specific baby gear when the little one arrives. The pre-birth sexing has virtually done away with appalling gender neutral nursery designs. Maybe now we can do away with dessert colored walls altogether.

However, with this new way of doing business a strange tradition is being formed. All around America there is an army of pregnant women carrying around pictures of their unborn sons' private parts. This is clearly the only time in our society that it is OK to carry around a naked picture of your child and show it to everyone you meet.

It is perfectly acceptable to see your aunt in Wal Mart and say hey we're having a boy. Look right there. You can see his penis.

The advent of these ultrasound DVDs is no different. They are like little in-utero adult movies. There are long periods of grainy footage that looks nothing like a human life intermingled with proclamations of "There it is!" or "Look right there. No there. See it?"

More aptly these things could be narrated as such, "blah, blah, blah, penis, blah."

Now I love technology just like the next guy. It has brought me unspeakable happiness, but sometimes it makes us act just plain crazy.

Of course if we have another boy some day we are going to show the picture pages to everyone just like we did the first time. I would just like to note that if aliens are watching us from some planet in a distant solar system, they probably think we are a little strange.

Time to go home

After your baby is born you will have some time in the hospital to get your bearings. Most hospitals require a minimum 24 hour stay if both baby and mother are healthy. Our hospital doesn't allow patients to leave after dark so we had to stay 2 nights since 24 hours after birth would put us right at sunset. I thought they wouldn't allow you to leave after dark because they were afraid of werewolves, Dracula, or other creatures of the night but my Grandma said it was because no one would be open if something happened. She is probably right but I still keep my eye out for ghosts and goblins after sunset. There has been enough said about how uncomfortable the fold out bed/chairs are that the husbands get to sleep in so I will save you the trouble of hearing that again except to say that I think I separated my shoulder. After 2 nights of this I was obviously ready to go home.

While we were at the hospital our son slept about 22 hours a day. You practically had to force him to wake up and eat every 3 hours. We said ridiculous things like he never cries or he is so quiet. I will let you in on a little secret. All babies do this the first couple of days and it is in no way an indicator of how the baby will behave once you get him home. You have to remember that the poor guy had to travel from mom's tummy through some tight spots even changing the shape of his head along the way just to get out into the world. After all that work he is forced to adjust to life in air rather than under water. While he is trying to figure out this new dry, cold, and bright environment he also has to learn to breath and eat and so forth. So the baby is exhausted but I promise he will get his energy back.

The trip home was not too bad. I am normally a fast driver but just like every other first time parent I barely touched the gas as we crawled home. I even took the back roads rather than the bypass where all the lunatics drive 70 mph. The trip home is not simply a drive to your house. It is the beginning of a journey in which a small human like creature depends on you for life. It is the first time you realize that you, the same guy who used to funnel a few beers before dinner, has the enormous responsibility of keeping another person alive. Also when you get home all the sleepless nights begin. Everything you do will be a new experience and many of the things will be made up as you go along. No one teaches you this stuff and even if they did it wouldn't work because every baby is different. Now all the fun begins because the trip home is a life changing journey for sure.

Birth

Having just become a first time father I have lots of thoughts and experiences to share but I want to start with a little bit about the birth. My son was born on November 12th at 5:27 pm and weighed 8 lbs 5 oz. We had a scheduled birth because my wife was past her due date by about a week. We arrived at the hospital at the ridiculous hour of 5 am. The labor was pretty easy for her during the biggest part of the day. The only real problem came when the anesthesiologist decided that she had too much pain medication. This led to some screaming, crying, and even some towel throwing. Yes it is the miracle of childbirth. I could have bit the guys head off for making such a wonderful medical decision but of course he was nowhere to be found. He was probably off watching his soaps ala Dr. Greg House.

After we made it through that ordeal and eventually got some more pain meds my son was finally thrust into the world. I don't know how or why it happened but I got weak in the knees and according to the nurses turned some strange shade of green. I had to sit down in order to avoid busting open my head and needing treatment of my own. The next thing I knew it was over and I was holding my son and talking to him while he stared up at me taking in every word.

Childbirth is a crazy ordeal for the husband much less the wife, but when it is over you have the most amazing gift you can ever receive. I will forever remember the day that I stopped being just another jerk and became Daddy.