Braden Says

Let's talk about talking. Braden talks all the time. Sometimes it is complete gibberish, but most of the time it is understandable. He has been constructing sentences for quite a while. His vocabulary knows little bounds. Since he talks all the time I thought maybe I should share a few of his gems with you. Here is just a sampling of the conversational fun we have with Braden on a daily basis.

• For some reason he has started to interject the word me into a lot of his sentences. He says stuff like, "I me play," or "I me TeeTee," which is Braden for I want to watch TV. My favorite use of me goes like this. Arica or I will say I love you to Braden and he responds, "I ove you me too."
• Last week when Arica, Braden and I were all sitting, or more correctly wallowing around, on the couch we had another funny moment with Braden. I said to Braden isn't Mama pretty. Braden answered, "I petty too."
• Braden spends much of his day impersonating the Tasmanian devil. He is a whirling dervish of destruction. Anyone in the room is constantly in danger of getting hit or tackled or being used in another less than pleasant way. Despite his rough ways he is a sweet boy too. He gives plenty of hugs and kisses. On top of that he has great manners. Lately when he wants more of anything he has started saying, "Mo pease." He does it without any prompting from anyone. It is just his polite way of saying he wants more snacks or milk or TV.
• Arica wrapped up some clothes for Braden to open at his second birthday party. Arica like many women loves clothes and that includes for herself as well as Braden. She thought he would at least enjoy unwrapping the presents. Well once he opened the first one and saw clothes he said, "NO CLOTHES!" Very funny stuff.
• Another phrase common to the New Dad household is "I did it!" Braden is quite proud of all his accomplishments. Since he is always doing something we hear this one a lot.
• I'll close with one of the more frustrating things Braden says. "I don't want it." The most common version of this right now is "I don't want bed" or "I don't want sleep". And he means it. That is why several nights a week for the past month either Arica or myself is up with a little boy at 3 AM because he doesn't want sleep, but instead he'll say "I me Tee Tee."

Toddler Talk

Interpreting the wants and desires of a toddler can be next to impossible, especially in the early stages of talking. They may scream about something that is totally clear in their mind but sounds like gobbledygook to you. Maybe you have spent 15 minutes trying to figure out what dog shoe means or bowl shoot. Who knows?

Braden is really developing a large vocabulary. He can say tons of words. Most of the time they are easily discernible to Arica and me. But even if we know exactly what Braden is saying it doesn't mean that we know what he wants.

Parenting is a learning experience, and Braden is the teacher. Clear understanding may be unachievable, but we do our best to learn as we go. Here is an example of how similar comments can mean totally different things.

Braden: Uh Oh! Shoe off!
Translation: Oh Crap! My shoe fell off! Put it back on now lest I pitch a fit!

Braden: Shoe off!
Translation: Take my shoe off now old man before I punch you in the face!

Now that we can easily decipher Braden's shoe commands and sweaty "dock" desires, I am sure the little dictator will find new ways to torture us with his words.

Living With a Parrot

Braden is learning new words as fast as Arica and I can say them. Among other things that means we have to watch our mouths unless we want Braden to sound like Chris Rock. Now I can't go on a profanity laced tirade about the Cardinals bullpen blowing two straight games. If I did that Braden would certainly share some of those 4-letter words the next day at school. Our house is not a big cursing place anyway, but from now on we will probably employ a few more shucks and darns.

Of course all Braden's talking is exciting and brings a lot of fun to the house as well. One fun thing I like to do each day, now that Braden is in full Polly wants a cracker mode, is to ask him about his day at school. That conversation usually sounds something like this.

Me: How was your day at school? Were you a good boy?
Braden: I dood buoy
Me: Did you play?
Braden: I pay
Me: Did you play with a ball?
Braden: I pay ball
Me: Did you play with a car?
Braden: I pay car
Me: Did you eat?
Braden: I eat
Me: Did you eat a cookie?
Braden: I tookie
Me: Did you watch tv?
Braden: I teetee
Me: Did you take your monkey?
Braden: I mummy
Me: Do you want to go to school again tomorrow?
Braden: NO!

Rosetta Stone

Now that I am out of my post Lost haze I can try and contribute something to this blog. I spent most of yesterday rehashing the events of the finale and coming to grips with the fact that my favorite castaway slash time travellers are gone for good. You would think that with all the space in my brain now free from thinking about smoke monsters and sideways universes I would deliver a deep and thoughtful post today. You would be wrong.

Today I thought I would give you a list of words that Braden says just in case you ever bump into him. You could call it the Rosetta Stone of Braden talk. Maybe the Bradetta Stone is more appropriate.

I used to think that parents just made up things when interpreting their children's words. It seemed ridiculous to me that all that gibberish could mean anything. But now I know that parents can certainly decipher what their kids are saying long before the rest of society. Here are a few of the things Braden says leaving out the obvious Mama and Dada.

I uh - I want
ba bar - Pop Tart
ba ba - Barney
ru ru ruh - dog sound
kack kack - duck sound
mmmmm - cow sound
ba - ball
gu - go
dow - down
boon - spoon
bie - bite
nana - banana
ha - hot
at - hat
Ja Ja - cousin Jackson
dis - this
no - no and also nose. They are slightly different.
esss - yes
da too - thank you
I - eye

This is by no means an all inclusive list. Braden tries to say all kinds of things, but my newly freed brain capacity is apparently a little rusty and this is all I can remember.

At least now if you run into Braden and he says, "I uh ba bar," you will know to give him a pop tart. He likes strawberry.

Toddler Gibberish, What Does It All Mean?

Arica and I are coming to the realization that Braden is going to be a talker.  Right now he says about 15 different words on a daily basis. His favorites are "bite", "no", and of course "mama".  Arica just called me this afternoon to tell me he had started saying "stop".  That is a new one, but it seems to fit with his personality of wanting to do things his way all the time.

These words are not the ones that give us the feeling we are raising a conversationalist.  That comes from his non stop gibberish. No matter what Braden is doing he talks while doing it.  He doesn't just make noises though. He is telling a story complete with smiles, laughter, and hand gestures.  If you don't listen to his stories he will march right up to you and get your attention. He just likes to talk.

When I was a kid I was a talker too. In grade school I was constantly disrupting class and getting in trouble. I would rather talk to my neighbors than listen to the teacher. At that time we got citizenship grades. The grades were either S for satisfactory or U for unsatisfactory.  I got an S minus every single time.

My mother is convinced to this day that the only reason I didn't get a U is because I was a straight A student and they didn't want to scar my record with an unsightly U.  I appreciate their discretion because no one wants a government background check to turn up a U.  That is right up there with criminal mischief and substance abuse.

So I am starting to wonder if I am going to "pay for my raising" with Braden.  Am I going to learn how my mom felt all those times I brought home notes for misbehavior.  Am I going to relive the fun of talking to teachers about my sons incessant talking.  It's way to early to tell. Braden is a great kid, and for now I am going to assume that he will be the perfect angel.

I do, however, like the fact that Braden seems to be so outgoing. That can serve him well in life.  Being shy is very difficult so maybe he won't be burdened with that. 

You never know.  He might use his gift of gab to become a great orator like Winston Churchill without the British accent.  He might even be a talk show host or a sportscaster. At this moment anything that requires a lot of talking seems like a good possibility.

No matter what comes of Braden's chattering, he is certain to be highly entertaining along the way.

How to Talk to Your Baby

I recently saw the Mark Wahlberg talks to animals clip on hulu. I thought it was hilarious. It got me thinking about how I talk to Braden. I have always believed that you should talk to your babies like they are adults. I know certain sounds and high pitch voices are supposed to be more pleasing to babies. That is OK with me. My problem is the way people use improper grammar with babies and how they make up sounds. Basically most people talk to babies like the baby is an idiot.


I think you should talk to the baby the way you want him to talk when he is able. We all know that you shouldn't curse around a young child because they repeat what they hear. If we know that then why do we continue to say things like "hims a big boy" to our children. We know they will repeat what we say so why do we intentionally tell them wrong. I think talking to your child like a real person helps develop their brain and enables them to learn faster and thus be smarter.

Now this theory is followed by almost no one. So it leads to people staring at me like I have 2 heads when I talk to Braden. I ask questions and hold one sided adult conversations although there is no chance of response. Basically I look very much like Andy Samberg's portrayal of Mark Wahlberg when I talk to Braden but I am going to keep doing it so just laugh away.