Dream Reviews

I am not reviewing dreams today, but dreaming of reviews. I have been granted the opportunity to review a product for CSN Stores. CSN has over 200 online stores selling nearly everything imaginable. You can get everything from an L Shaped Desk to 50,000 Btu Gas Forced Air Heaters to literally the kitchen sink. You can't even find variety like that at Wal Mart.

Part of the fun of this review was shopping through all the possible items for purchase. I hate shopping, but a little online shopping is tolerable, especially when the store has everything from power tools to kitchen gadgets. While shopping for all this stuff I couldn't help but think of some potential parenting dream items.  These items are not in stores, as far as I know, but they would be a welcome addition to any home with small children.

Here is my list of 10 dream items that would excite parents everywhere. Feel free to take these ideas and run with them product development people.

1. Sleep Ray Gun - I could use this baby during those 3 am play sessions that Braden loves to have. One shot of the Sleep Ray Gun and it's back to dream land for Braden and his loving parents.
2. Poop Vaporizer - I stole this from a movie. Bonus points for anyone who actually saw the movie. There can't be many of you.
3. Handy Helper - I stole this one too. It comes from a certain cartoon mouse. The Handy Helper is a giant hand that comes out of the wall and helps out around the house. I could always use another hand even if it's just to slap me back into consciousness.
4. How to be a Jedi Guide - This would work two ways. Jedi mind trick on a toddler that is prone to arguing. Picking up toys without leaving the couch.
5. Instant Chicken Nuggets - Sometimes that 10 minute prep time is our enemy.
6. No Preview DVDs - Much like the nugget prep time the previews on children's DVDs are a killer. And most of the time you can't skip them. Note to DVD people: This is one of my least favorite features of any product I have ever owned. Fix it!!!
7. Monkey Renewer - Braden's best friend in the world is his Monkey. This thing has literally been loved to death. Instant Monkey Renewal Spray could zap Monkey back to his original state thus eliminating the authentic monkey odor.
8. Infinite Toy Box - This would be a small toy box that opens up into a bottomless pit of storage. There is no limit to the amount of cars, trucks, balls, and Toy Story figures you can put in this thing.
9. 10 year batteries - Actually this should probably be number one and in all caps. Lets make a better battery people!!!
10. Parenting Pill - For those days when I'm just not feeling it. I could use a pill to get me back in Dad mode. They have pills for everything else so why not?

Random Christmas Thoughts

I haven't done a random Tuesday post since December 22, 2009. That is exactly one year from tomorrow. This is Tuesday and this is a random thoughts post so I suppose technically it could be a Random Tuesday. Instead though I am calling it a Christmas random post because it's my blog and I can do what I want. Read on for this version of Random Christmas Thoughts on Tuesday.

• If you are new around here click over and read the post I wrote about the true Christmas Spirit that our family experienced last year because of a stranger at Wal Mart. I read it again recently and I am still amazed.
• The top of our Christmas tree was bent when we put it up this year. In all my infinite wisdom I tried to bend the metal post back straight while it was in its place at the top of the tree. This genius move snapped one of the plastic supports that holds the post in place. For a day or two we had a leaning tree. I eventually fixed it by snipping up a clothes hanger and duct taping enough pieces together to wedge them into place and provide the support missing because of the broken plastic rib. They don't teach you that in engineering school.
• Our Church study group, for lack of a better term, is delivering food to needy families tonight. I am really excited. What better time of year is there to spread the love of Jesus by "Loving your neighbor".
• Christmas shopping for Braden is fun. Apparently I am just a larger than normal kid with facial hair.
• I'm ready to see Christmas Story again. This will be my first viewing since actually visiting the house. Don't believe me? Here it is.

• While visiting the house we got a leg lamp night light and a leg light ornament complete with Fra-GEE-Lay box. And stay tuned for a leg lamp picture of yours truly and my better half in the days to come.
• Finally it's time for some Christmas music. Last year I shared some Bob and Doug and Cheech and Chong. These are two of my favorite Christmas songs, but they are more reminiscent of a Canadian Christmas and a Christmas spent on hallucinogens than Christmas as I know it. This year I thought a little Charlie Daniels Christmas Time Down South would be more fitting. Warning: May pertain reference to redneck activity.

Boy Parts

Arica and I have two friends and one sister-in-law that are currently pregnant. In the past month I have seen ultrasound pictures of both friend's babies. One was the first ultrasound. The other was that ever proud sex determining second ultrasound.

Our friends proudly showed us the picture so carefully labeled with the words "boy parts" (couldn't a medical professional come up with a better term?). They could barely contain their joy. Their little swimmer had boy parts. This little phrase and the sharing of black and white photos has long since surpassed the traditional declaration of "it's a boy" that used to follow right after birth.

I think it's a good thing. It gives everyone the opportunity to be ready with gender specific baby gear when the little one arrives. The pre-birth sexing has virtually done away with appalling gender neutral nursery designs. Maybe now we can do away with dessert colored walls altogether.

However, with this new way of doing business a strange tradition is being formed. All around America there is an army of pregnant women carrying around pictures of their unborn sons' private parts. This is clearly the only time in our society that it is OK to carry around a naked picture of your child and show it to everyone you meet.

It is perfectly acceptable to see your aunt in Wal Mart and say hey we're having a boy. Look right there. You can see his penis.

The advent of these ultrasound DVDs is no different. They are like little in-utero adult movies. There are long periods of grainy footage that looks nothing like a human life intermingled with proclamations of "There it is!" or "Look right there. No there. See it?"

More aptly these things could be narrated as such, "blah, blah, blah, penis, blah."

Now I love technology just like the next guy. It has brought me unspeakable happiness, but sometimes it makes us act just plain crazy.

Of course if we have another boy some day we are going to show the picture pages to everyone just like we did the first time. I would just like to note that if aliens are watching us from some planet in a distant solar system, they probably think we are a little strange.

Back in the Summer of 2010

Give yourself a sticker for surviving Summer 2010 because it is gone. I don't care what the calendar says, it's over. I know this for certain because on my daily drives to and from work I don't have to dodge fourteen boats piled high with tubes, kids, and coolers as they head for the lake. I am not seeing as many people roaming around Wal Mart in their swimming suits with armfuls of potato chips and sunscreen. Our little town has slowed down again for the winter. It is nice, and to top it off we have even had rain for three straight days.

To further cement the end of summer football has returned to our lives. The Razorbacks won their first game and have climbed to #14 and #15 in the polls. This Saturday Arica and I are heading off to our first football game of the year. We will see friends, have fun, and call the Hogs on their way to another blowout victory against a former directional Louisiana school that is now simply ULM.

Even with the joy of football season beginning we will mourn the passing of another summer. There are good and bad things about every summer in Arkansas and this year was no different. Really the only bad thing was the oppressive heat. The temperature was over 100 degrees for nearly the entire month of August. That leads to huge patches of dead grass, nearly zero outdoor activities, and high energy bills. But even the heat can't keep us from having fun.

Now it is time to recap the good things about Summer 2010 aka Braden's second summer.

This year was the first family vacation which included Braden's first Cardinals game and a trip to the zoo. We also took Braden on his first of hundreds of lake trips. We went to water parks with and without the little man. Arica and I snuck in one trip that ended with a free Billy Currington concert. God is great. Beer is good. And people are crazy indeed.

There were plenty of other little things that were equally as awesome as vacations, water parks, and free concerts. For example:

We introduced Braden to snow cones.

Braden learned to help feed the dogs, and now he loves to do it every day. He has even developed somewhat of a friendship with the old hounds.

And finally there is one good thing that all this heat brings, besides all the water activities. It gives you a great excuse to run around the house in your underwear.

So that is it Summer 2010. It seems we hardly knew you. Until next Memorial Day when I fire up the grill and pop in the Saving Private Ryan DVD, I hope you enjoy your trip to the Southern Hemisphere.

Worrying About the Future

I worry too much.

I don't really worry about my job or the economy or climate change or any other major issues. Instead I worry about idiotic things like how will I find time to do the yard work?  Do I have time to get my oil changed before I go to the grocery store? What are we going to do about the paint on Arica's car?

Because of this worrying I am simply unable to relax. I am a ball of nerves all the time. Arica can tell you with great detail about my fidgety annoying ways. Merely sitting on the couch with me can make a person sea sick.

I think it might be more anxiety than anything. Unfinished projects cause me the most problems. For this reason I could never build a house. I would be a nervous wreck the entire time. For the next 18 years the biggest unfinished project in my life is raising Braden.  With this project I am already worrying about how everything I do will affect the way Braden turns out.

I worry that if I give in to him too often he will become a brat.

I worry that he throws too many fits.

I worry that if I am not firm enough he won't learn to mind.

I worry that he won't be polite.

I worry he will be "that" kid in Wal Mart.

I think a healthy amount of worry is necessary in parenting. No one should parent in a willy nilly style without a care in the world. After all we are raising little people here.

The problem with my worrying is that it regularly keeps me from enjoying my time with Braden.  Rather than just living in the moment I am already 10 years down the road wondering how our current activity will affect his ability to behave in school.  Each task becomes a step in this long drawn out path to raising a good child. Nothing can be done without considering the consequences.

The result of this type of parenting is that I am about as much fun as a root canal. Braden would surely love it if sometimes I just said OK let's eat some chocolate and play in the cabinets without worrying if he is getting his way too easily.

I clearly need to be more flexible.  I need to make sure I enjoy every moment I have with Braden.  When he is throwing a fit I should react accordingly in that moment without worrying about how I might be screwing up his life.  Raising a kid is hard enough without trying to live up to all these preconceived notions I have about perfect parenting.

I hope that in the future I can deal with each situation as it arises. I hope I can stop worrying until there is something to really worry about.

One thing about all this is for sure. If I keep on worrying about every little thing in Braden's life there is no need to wonder how he will turn out. Braden will turn out high strung.

Starting today I am I hope I can make my decisions with Braden based on Love not Fear.

Finding Joy

Wouldn't it be fun to be a kid again.

Kids have no bills. Kids have no job. Kids have no responsibilities at all.

Kids have parents to care for them and provide for all their needs. My kid, specifically, has more toys than Toys R Us and more clothes than Old Navy.

There is one thing even better than all this. This one thing is what I envy about kids the most. They can experience true joy from the simplest things. Kids have not yet been jaded by the difficulties of life. They have not yet given up hope on mankind. They haven't had their spirit broken.

Kids are simply good. From that 100% goodness they can create the most perfect laughter and the most joyous smiles.

They can be overjoyed by seeing a bird or a dog.  Kids can laugh for hours when playing with balloons or bubbles.  When is the last time you bought something at Wal Mart for a couple bucks and were truly excited? Kids do it every day.

I would love to go back to a place where life seemed perfect. It would be great to live again before any real hurt or pain entered our lives. Then we could find true happiness in a gentle breeze or watching a hummingbird flit around looking for nectar.

Sure we can find this type of joy occasionally, but it is never as full and enduring as the joy of a child.

After all some children even go crazy for rocks.

Patience Is a Virtue

When I was growing up my Dad always told me "Patience is a virtue." Not surprisingly that little saying never added any patience to my repertoire. I think I could have written it on the blackboard ala Bart Simpson and never grasped its meaning. While it was good info I never really gained anything from that knowledge.

Patience is not my strong suit even to this day. I am one of those people that can't stand to wait in line at Wal Mart. No one ever goes fast enough for me. When I get ready to go somewhere ahead of time I end up leaving early because I can't sit still and wait. Of course then I have to wait when I get to my destination early, but that never registers with me beforehand.

I want everything right now. I don't have time to wait. Since becoming a father I have been studying at the real world school of patience.  A parent without patience is in for a long hard ride. So us impatient people have to learn fast.

Maybe when my Dad was telling me "Patience is a virtue" he should have given me some examples. Doing patience building exercises would have helped more than reciting the patience motto.  He could have told me about the benefits of patience and then handed me a screaming baby. In that case I would have to learn to be patient because screaming babies do no listen to reason and they will not stop crying just because you ask nicely.

Maybe waking me at 3 am to hand me a wide awake baby that wants to play would have been a good lesson on patience. Just like with the crying a baby cannot be convinced to go to sleep by sound reason. These are the type of lessons I learn every day as a father.

There are the times when Braden points at something he wants. He will get very upset if you give him the wrong thing. He will continue to get upset until he gets what he wants. I have emptied entire drawers trying to find the elusive item his heart desires. Patience.

Back to sleep deprivation. Sometimes Braden likes to throw all night parties. He will laugh and scream all through the night making sure no one else can sleep either. Patience.

There are times when I do something to entertain Braden, and he decides he would like me to do it again one thousand more times. Patience.

He likes me to pick him up so he can dunk the basketball in his goal over the closet door. He likes to do it a lot. Patience.

Braden, like all kids, gets a little temperamental sometimes when it is time to eat. He may not want to eat. He may avoid you. He may even spit out his food. Patience.

Sitting in the doctor's office is another patience trying exercise. Like Jerry Seinfeld says about the waiting room, "They have the room. They are going to use it." 

Waiting in a room full of sick strangers with a toddler is tough. I guess I could let him act like a wild animal like seemingly every other parent. Instead I try to keep him away from all the other people by trying anything and everything. Patience.

I think you get the point. Anyone that has ever had children knows about all these things. Raising a child is a daily lesson on patience. For those of us that have never learned that skill before in life, kids are our professors. They are the Dean of Patience. They are also the judge and the jury on our understanding of the topic.

No matter how many times I was reminded to be patient by my parents it never stuck. It would seem that patience is one of those virtues that is better taught to adults by children than the other way around.

Toddler Imitations

Braden continues to mimic what he sees his Mother and I do on a daily basis. I have reported those things for quite a while now. In the last several weeks he has added some sound effects to his mimicry.

He has his Mom's routine down pat. I have seen him get her hairspray, hold it by his head, and say "shhhh".  Then he moves it to the other side of his head and does it again.

I've seen him do the same with perfume bottles as well.  He makes the "shhhh" sound on both sides of his head.

Sometimes to entertain Braden I run across our hardwood floor in my socks and slide. He thinks it's funny.  After seeing me, Braden will walk across the floor dragging his feet and saying...you guessed it...."shhhhh".

It would seem that he loves that sound.  He makes other sounds too.

He gets the dust buster and pushes is around making his best vacuuming noise.

He makes truck sounds for every car or truck that he pushes around the house.

Maybe we have the next Michael Winslow on our hands.  Braden should be old enough for Police Academy 47 if they can revive that terrible movie series. Hollywood has revived everything else so don't count it out.

Braden mimics silently at times too.  Once he watched me using the phone book. Yes I still use one of those sometimes when I am at home. I don't always have the computer cranked up after work. Anyway, after seeing me Braden leafed through the pages, got my cell phone, punched some buttons, and proceeded to talk to someone on the phone.

Whenever we are eating Braden goes to the drawer where his utensils are kept. He opens the drawer and gets our attention because he can't quite reach into the drawer yet.  Once someone gives him a spoon he shuts the drawer and goes to get a plastic bowl so he can eat too.

When we are cooking the little man goes to the drawer with the wooden spoons. After he gets a wooden spoon, he goes for a pot or pan.

Braden pretty much likes to do whatever we are doing. Not only does he like to do it, he likes to do it well. I think he might be a little perfectionist always practicing his skills.  It's so fun to watch him learn about how us humans behave.

We just have to be careful when we take him to Wal Mart. There are a few human-like creatures there that I could stand for him not to immitate.

How to Spend Your IRS Refund Check

Recently I have mentioned Valentine's Day and the Olympics. Before that there was the Super Bowl. Next up is baseball season. So what is the topic du jour. Today we talk about income tax returns. 

If you are not getting a refund then I am truly sorry. You can use this time to complain about the stupid IRS if you like. For those of us who are anxiously awaiting our tax return it is time to spend our money.

As a parent the tax return will go towards necessities more than luxuries. It's still fun to dream of spending money as freely as a Hollywood starlet on Rodeo Drive. If that is not your thing then you can dream of swimming in mountains of cash like Scrooge McDuck. Either way dreaming never hurt anyone.

It would be fun to spend it all on Arica. I could rent out her favorite store for a private shopping spree. I could buy her the largest diamond possible, and she could wear it around her neck on a rope.  Another idea would be a trip to somewhere exceedingly tropical. I bet she would love it if I turned the entire thing into a spa gift card.  Finally I might use the money to hire a nanny for a few weeks. A helping hand would always be nice.

The money could go a long ways for Braden as well.  We could use it to buy a real, live, pooping, banana eating monkey.  Maybe we could buy him an entire fleet of motorized cars. That might actually work. He would be like a baby Hertz renting cars to toddlers all over town. We could go back to the shopping thing again. This time we would be at Wal Mart shoveling toys into multiple carts while laughing like wild hyenas. Maybe we could take the shopping tour to Toys R Us as well.  We could take trips to as many zoos and aquariums as possible. Of course the trips would have to be south towards warmer weather. I wouldn't want to go up north to find only polar bears and penguins out for the viewing public while the other lazy animals slept inside.

The money could go towards me too. I could always use hunting and/or fishing gear, new electronics, video games, or some other useless junk.  In fact too often the extra money goes to my vices. I have written about my affinity for betting on the ponies. On date nights I often lead our outings towards a drinking establishment. Spending money on those type things leaves only empty feelings and empty pockets.

That is why I truly want to spend the extra money from our refund on the two most important people in my life. Yes we will have to spend some on necessities. Yes we will save some for a rainy day that we hope never comes. With that little bit extra I am making a promise to myself to spend it on something fun and rewarding for Arica and Braden. 

Maybe we won't buy monkeys, diamonds, or a fleet of toddler rental cars, but we can have a good time. They deserve it for putting up with me.

Making Important Choices

Making choices is an important part of everyone's life.  You are faced with choices every day and the decisions you make shape your life.  Yes, some decisions are not as important at others.  Choosing between a hamburger and pizza is not going to be a life altering decision most days.  Choosing between a hamburger and a salad over the course of 30 years might make a difference though.

From the time we are children we start making decisions. Eventually they lead to choosing friends, choosing activities, choosing colleges, choosing a major, choosing a job, and so on.  One day you will choose a home and a spouse.

Braden is already making choices.  Each day he chooses what toys to play with.  He chooses what he wants to eat much of the time.  He decides which ball to slam dunk or which thing in the house to bash with his baseball bat.

Sometimes we take him to Wal Mart and let him choose a toy.  We usually do this when we have to return a toy that he already has, which is quite often.  After executing the return we let Braden pick out a new toy with his money.  This weekend we took Braden on such a trip.  All of the toys in Wal Mart were available to him. He could have anything he wanted.  We were allowing total freedom of choice for the wee man.

This is what he picked.  He wore it through the store for the rest of our shopping trip.

As you can see he also likes to wear it when he is eating chocolate.

I guess this is a lesson for us as parents.  We can do our best to prepare Braden for the choices he has to make in life.  We can guide him, teach him, and encourage him, but even after all that we will never know for sure what choices he will make.

I Want Global Warming

We are at the beginning of a three day stretch of bitter cold here in Arkansas. Everyone north of the Mason-Dixon line go ahead and laugh now, and get it out of the way.

Last night the forecast low temperature was 11 degrees. I don't know what the actual low was, but it was 12 when I went to work this morning.  The forecast lows for the next two nights are 7 and 8.

Before we move on I would like to list a few things that you are more likely to see in Arkansas than a temperature of 7 degrees.

• Haley's comet
• Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny playing Marco Polo in the YMCA pool
• A Razorback fan wearing an I love Texas t-shirt
• A hillbilly with a full set of teeth, wearing shoes, and buying soap
• Bigfoot driving a John Deere lawnmower through the Wal Mart parking lot
• A redneck that thinks Hank Williams Jr. is the antichrist
• A ban on guns

Now on with the story. These temperatures were cold enough for us to do the unthinkable last night. The forgotten furry children slept inside for the first time in Braden's life.  They were actually banished before Braden's arrival although I can't remember exactly when. Now they have returned.

Much like Cousin Eddie the dogs are not normally fit for indoor living. In other words they needed a bath.  Since Braden now uses the tub, we decided not to introduce a years worth of dog filth into his little bastion of cleanliness.

Of course I wasn't going to bathe them outside only to watch the water freeze to their coats and worse yet my hands. So I took a shower with my dogs yesterday.  Don't worry, I wore my swimming suit. I am not about to leave certain things exposed while in a 3 ft by 3 ft tile and glass cage with either of those turkey killers.

The night went really well. At first Braden kept his distance. When the dogs got in his personal space he would push them away or throw the occasional jab. By his bed time we were all in the floor together playing happily.

The dogs were well behaved. Obviously they were basking in the warmth of indoor living. After Braden went to bed and things slowed down they slept. I guess it has been a long time since they had a nice warm night of sleep.

Now if we could only get Braden to follow their lead.

Coming to America

If you didn't stop by the site yesterday please go see my guest post at Building Camelot. It is my first guest post ever. I am used to being the unwanted guest so this is a nice change. Now on to today's Fatherhood Friday post.

There is no place like home – Dorothy
Mama I’m coming home – Ozzy Osbourne
E.T. phone home – E.T.
Home is where you make it – crazy guy in Joe Dirt
Honey I’m Home – Jack Nicholson in the Shining

There are so many ways to say it, but today I am going to use my very own vernacular rather than quote anyone else.

I have been gone now for three weeks. Braden has started eating solid foods since I left. He is getting bigger every day. He is walking around along the furniture more and more every day. He is learning to make new sounds as he creeps on towards talking. He has learned to clap. And no doubt he has forgotten a little about me.

Arica has been raising a kid all by herself. She has handled all the things that come along with a baby without my help. She is tired. She is worn down. She needs a break.

While you are reading this on Fatherhood Friday I will be on my way. I will either be in the sky above or waiting in some horrid line on the ground below. Three flights and 6000 miles is all that separates me from a happy homecoming. It will be the end of a tough journey for us all. So to wrap it up here is a quote from yours truly.

“No matter if I am in Scotland, Malaysia, or Wal Mart my heart always longs to be home. The love and warmth that is shared within our four walls between us three people is the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, and tomorrow it is going to get me up early and keep me going all day. Arica and Braden, Daddy's coming home” – Robert

Fatherhood Lessons with Homer Simpson: Playing with Your Kids

Sometimes I am lost for blogworthy ideas about fatherhood. Inspiration is fleeting and I don't know where to turn. Much of my inspiration comes from TV or music. Greater men are probably inspired by historical figures like Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King. Others may be inspired by great authors or scientific studies, but that is not me. As Popeye says, "I am what I am." And I am inspired by Jerry Seinfeld, Eddie Vedder, and sometimes even Homer Simpson.

Today's post will be a lesson from Homer about toys and playing with our kids. Watch the video and then read on for my dissection of Homer's teachings.


The first lesson here is that Dads should play with their kids as much as possible. One of our main jobs as fathers is to be the entertainment director for our children. The best way to do that is get right down on the floor with them. Get in their little world and play with their toys. There is no substitute for time spent with your children so follow Homer's lead and start playing.

The second lesson we can learn from Homer is that we don't have to buy the most expensive toys for our kids. If you have the means to buy every toy in the store then by all means do it. Kids, however, are not always entertained or occuppied with a toy box full of toys. Sometimes you have to use other things around the house for entertainment. I use water bottles and the remote control nearly every day. A box works great as well. As any parent knows, kids often like the box, bow, or wrapping paper much more than the actual gift that is found inside. Apply this theory to your everyday play time. I read yesterday over at my friend PJ's blog Real Men Drive Mini Vans that he recently used a box to lure his son back into the play area. He wondered if he was a bad father. I say heck no. You are a great dad.

Finally a lesson for all us dad's that are really just big kids. Never let the joy of playing with toys again lead you to an unhealthy attachment to said toys. We should never runaway with our kids toys like a crazed Homer hiding under the box. I know it is a great amount of fun to play with your kids. Sometimes I admit to having too much fun with Braden's toys and he is only a baby. I am sure I will get more than carried away when he gets older. I already covet the little Star Wars figures I see in Wal-Mart. No matter how much fun we have let's always remember it's about the kids.

My thanks to Homer Simpson for departing his wisdom on us today.

Free Parenting Advice

It's Fatherhood Friday again. Be sure and stop by Dad Blogs to check out all the posts.



Don't be fooled by the title. I am offering no advice today. Frankly I don't have any advice to offer. Apparently I'm the only person on earth that feels that way.

I am sure every parent has noticed the flooding of advice you get when you have a kid. The advice starts even before your child is born. When my wife was pregnant we got constant comments from everyone we met whether they knew us or not. That train kept right on rolling after Braden was born.

We were at the store recently when one of these incidents occurred. I am sure you regular readers can guess what store we were frequenting. We came around the end of an isle and were met by an "Ohhhh! He's so cute!" We enjoy compliments as much as the next person so we offered our appreciation. That would have been a good place for this conversation to end. Instead the complete stranger says "He's drooling. He is probably cutting teeth." It's hard to recreate this incident on paper. You readers can't see the air of superiority this lady was projecting. The "you should thank me for enlightening you" smirk is undetectable in this writing. I truly believe this woman thought she had done a great service to the world.

I am sure many of you think this is no big deal. You think I should take it easy. I guess it is OK for strange people that you just met to tell you things about your child. I, however, wanted to ask the lady if she had any feeding tips. Maybe she would like to instruct me on the proper way to change a diaper.

Instead I just smiled and walked away muttering under my breath. Children have many affects on people. They turn a lot of people into babbling idiots, myself included. I never understood before I had a child, but sometimes you can't help but make those silly noises. Anything that makes the baby smile or laugh is fun. The little creatures can certainly instill feelings of love, pride, and a million other emotions as well.

One of the craziest things a baby can do, in my opinion, is turn random strangers into experts. Everyone on the planet has an opinion on everything that relates to babies. They have no reservations about sharing said opinions with everyone they meet. People will tell you your baby is teething. They will tell you he has a tummy ache. They will tell you he is going to be short, tall, fat, skinny, smart, a ladies man, a football player, or virtually anything else imaginable. A family friend told us our son would be good at sports because he has a big head. This man is a very successful doctor by the way. What gets into these people to make them say such crazy things. I guess it's a good thing that babies eventually grow up. If they stayed infants forever they would probably control the world.

Next time someone suggests our son is teething I think I will disagree. I will look them straight in the eye and say, "No he's not. Our species doesn't even have teeth."

Attention Wal-Mart Dads

Wal-Mart is a world power that everyone has to reckon with. Living my entire life in Arkansas has led me into a long relationship with the retail giant. We in Arkansas are proud to be home to the largest retailer in the world. At the same time it seems comedians are all too quick to make the lets go down to Wal-Mart jokes about country bumpkins. So the chain is a source of pride and ridicule all at the same time for us Arkansans. We don't pay any attention to the ridicule because we are going right back to Wal-Mart when we get off work anyway. In my opinion any place where you can pick up a set of mud tires, a new TV, and a 10 pound bag of burritos in one trip is a place worthy of my praise.


Now Wal-Mart has its drawbacks as well. The virtual monopoly it holds in my part of the world has put many family owned local businesses out of work. When I was a kid the countryside was home to many community stores. They had the essentials along with a cafe or bait shop in some locations. These stores have long since gone the way of the dodo bird. Sometimes I pass the abandoned buildings or the empty parking lots of places like Three Way Grocery or The One Horse Store and remember a different time. Along with that drawback Wal-Mart also has a little problem with fresh groceries. The produce is pretty poor and is always picked over due to the sheer volume of customers, but the main problem is with the meat. There is no butcher at Wal-Mart. You cannot pick up a fresh cut steak or freshly ground beef. You cannot buy shrimp or fish by the pound. All the meat is shipped from the supplier prepackaged and frozen. There is no such thing as fresh Wal-Mart meat.


Even with these detractions Wal-Mart is still a wonderful place. It is a great place for the new dad providing everything you need and a lot of things you don't in the baby center. They provide you with the lowest prices on diapers and formula, and as a new dad you will find out that those things will cost you a fortune so every little bit counts. The list of quality items does not stop there. Braden already has the entire collection of Wal-Mart clothes and toys. Not to mention that we got his swing, bouncy chair, high chair, pack and play, and various other necessities there too. Wal-Mart also provides you with budget pricing on everything from food to bathroom supplies to toys to anything else you can imagine. Now they offer the same brands of TVs, computers, cameras and other electronics as the specialty stores. There is really no reason for the new dad not to love Wal-Mart. As I have said many times in my life, "If Wal-Mart doesn't have it...You don't need it." So I am glad that Sam Walton is a fellow Arkansas. I am glad that he built the largest retailer in the world. And most of all I am glad that I live only 1/2 mile from the nearest Wal-Mart.