Walkers: Good or Evil

When Arica was pregnant we visited every store within miles that was even rumored to have baby gear. We studied and learned all we could about what we needed. As we shopped around we noticed a glaring omission. Where were all the walkers? I always thought baby walkers were a great thing. Every baby I ever knew had one, but now they are harder to spot than a polar bear in a snow storm. I have since been able to determine that walkers are considered evil death traps by seemingly everyone on the planet.

I am not one to blindly agree with the consensus. I would prefer to have my own independent thought about these things. I think that walkers are not inherently dangerous. They will not spontaneously combust. They will not take control of your children and drive them into traffic. They will not explode. They don't even have moving parts. They are simply plastic chairs with wheels.

Yes the use of walkers can lead to injuries. Children could fall down stairs. They could fall into the pool or roll into the street. They could even knock over things or pull them down on top of themselves. The thing is that the environment is what can be dangerous. Parents that don't pay attention to their kids in walkers are what causes injuries. Knowing that both Arica and I are attentive parents we bought a walker for Braden to enjoy. He is not quite big enough to walk around in one yet, but since they are impossible to find we jumped at the opportunity to get one when the chance arose.

If you don't think walkers are good for your child or your home then don't get one. I don't think that makes you a bad parent. I don't think it makes you a great enlightened mind either. I understand if you think the walker is dangerous for your child. I don't understand why it is practically impossible to buy a walker because some people are bad parents. If I am going to watch my child and play with him in the walker then I should be able to buy one. Bad parents screw up plenty of lives without getting involved in mine too.

I once heard Jeff Foxworthy telling a story about his child hood. He said they had a 300 pound TV teetering on a regular size TV tray. The kids would play around it. In response to worries that the kids could hurt themselves, the dad would say let him knock over that TV. He'll learn.

While I don't think the "He'll learn" philosophy is the best way to deal with this walker dilemma, I will channel my inner Foxworthy in another way. In honor of all the inattentive parents who have made it easier to buy a sub machine gun than a walker, I give you the "You might be a bad parent" jokes.

• If you let your kid ride the walker down the stairs like Bode Miller in the winter Olympics......You might be a bad parent.


• If your child uses his walker to chase cars with the dog......You might be a bad parent.


• If you let your kid use his walker to sit in while he fishes in the pool.......You might be a bad parent.


• If your child's walker has a briggs and stratton engine......You might be a bad parent.


• If a leisurely afternoon involves napping while junior runs the Daytona 500 around the house......You might be a bad parent.


• If your kids favorite room for walker exploration is decorated with ninja stars and samurai swords......You might be a bad parent.


• If you use the tray on your sons walker to hold your beer......You might be a bad parent.

That's enough with the bad Foxworthy impression. You get my point. Feel free to add your own "You might be a bad parent" jokes. If we don't limit ourselves to the walker the possibilities are endless. Happy Fatherhood Friday.

The Stroller is My Friend

According to an old saying necessity is the mother of all invention. I suppose that is true, but there is another factor that is nearly as powerful a motivator. That motivator and mother to most inventions is laziness. Think about it for a minute. Someone too lazy to write by hand invented the typewriter. Someone too lazy to cook invented microwave dinners. A person perhaps too lazy to go shopping came up with the idea of online shopping. Probably a guy too lazy to change his oil figured out how to capitalize on this type of laziness and introduced us to the quickie lube joint. The list could go on forever.

The stroller is the laziness induced creation that I am thinking of today. Somewhere along the line us lazy humans grew weary of carrying our babies everywhere. There are several inventions to help with this, but my favorite is the stroller. I will never wear one of those papoose sling type things. I will not judge any other guy for using them. Whatever you want to do is fine with me. I, however, am a country boy and there are just some lines we don't cross. I drive a four wheel drive. I own a high powered rifle. Like old Hank said I can skin a buck and run a trotline, but I will not have a baby sling draped around my shoulder no matter how convenient they are.

In the house I carry Braden like a good pack mule. Outside of the house he goes in the stroller. This makes shopping and any kind of outdoor adventure possible. Now that spring is here we will be putting plenty of miles on the stroller. We went to the park last weekend and plan to take plenty of laps around the walking trails with our baby buggy in the future. I plan on using it so much that I have to rotate the tires by mid June.

Braden loves to be outside. I'm happy about that because little boys ought to be outside. They should be out eating dirt, scraping their arms, tormenting the dogs, climbing trees, and all sorts of other fun things. Braden is a long way off from everything but eating dirt. I figure he would do that now if we let him. Until he is able to master all the other outdoor joys of childhood the stroller will be his window to the outside world. From its lofty seat he will enjoy the Arkansas summer. Thank you o lazy parent of the past for creating this modern baby transport wonder.