Dream Reviews

I am not reviewing dreams today, but dreaming of reviews. I have been granted the opportunity to review a product for CSN Stores. CSN has over 200 online stores selling nearly everything imaginable. You can get everything from an L Shaped Desk to 50,000 Btu Gas Forced Air Heaters to literally the kitchen sink. You can't even find variety like that at Wal Mart.

Part of the fun of this review was shopping through all the possible items for purchase. I hate shopping, but a little online shopping is tolerable, especially when the store has everything from power tools to kitchen gadgets. While shopping for all this stuff I couldn't help but think of some potential parenting dream items.  These items are not in stores, as far as I know, but they would be a welcome addition to any home with small children.

Here is my list of 10 dream items that would excite parents everywhere. Feel free to take these ideas and run with them product development people.

1. Sleep Ray Gun - I could use this baby during those 3 am play sessions that Braden loves to have. One shot of the Sleep Ray Gun and it's back to dream land for Braden and his loving parents.
2. Poop Vaporizer - I stole this from a movie. Bonus points for anyone who actually saw the movie. There can't be many of you.
3. Handy Helper - I stole this one too. It comes from a certain cartoon mouse. The Handy Helper is a giant hand that comes out of the wall and helps out around the house. I could always use another hand even if it's just to slap me back into consciousness.
4. How to be a Jedi Guide - This would work two ways. Jedi mind trick on a toddler that is prone to arguing. Picking up toys without leaving the couch.
5. Instant Chicken Nuggets - Sometimes that 10 minute prep time is our enemy.
6. No Preview DVDs - Much like the nugget prep time the previews on children's DVDs are a killer. And most of the time you can't skip them. Note to DVD people: This is one of my least favorite features of any product I have ever owned. Fix it!!!
7. Monkey Renewer - Braden's best friend in the world is his Monkey. This thing has literally been loved to death. Instant Monkey Renewal Spray could zap Monkey back to his original state thus eliminating the authentic monkey odor.
8. Infinite Toy Box - This would be a small toy box that opens up into a bottomless pit of storage. There is no limit to the amount of cars, trucks, balls, and Toy Story figures you can put in this thing.
9. 10 year batteries - Actually this should probably be number one and in all caps. Lets make a better battery people!!!
10. Parenting Pill - For those days when I'm just not feeling it. I could use a pill to get me back in Dad mode. They have pills for everything else so why not?

Attention Wal-Mart Dads

Wal-Mart is a world power that everyone has to reckon with. Living my entire life in Arkansas has led me into a long relationship with the retail giant. We in Arkansas are proud to be home to the largest retailer in the world. At the same time it seems comedians are all too quick to make the lets go down to Wal-Mart jokes about country bumpkins. So the chain is a source of pride and ridicule all at the same time for us Arkansans. We don't pay any attention to the ridicule because we are going right back to Wal-Mart when we get off work anyway. In my opinion any place where you can pick up a set of mud tires, a new TV, and a 10 pound bag of burritos in one trip is a place worthy of my praise.


Now Wal-Mart has its drawbacks as well. The virtual monopoly it holds in my part of the world has put many family owned local businesses out of work. When I was a kid the countryside was home to many community stores. They had the essentials along with a cafe or bait shop in some locations. These stores have long since gone the way of the dodo bird. Sometimes I pass the abandoned buildings or the empty parking lots of places like Three Way Grocery or The One Horse Store and remember a different time. Along with that drawback Wal-Mart also has a little problem with fresh groceries. The produce is pretty poor and is always picked over due to the sheer volume of customers, but the main problem is with the meat. There is no butcher at Wal-Mart. You cannot pick up a fresh cut steak or freshly ground beef. You cannot buy shrimp or fish by the pound. All the meat is shipped from the supplier prepackaged and frozen. There is no such thing as fresh Wal-Mart meat.


Even with these detractions Wal-Mart is still a wonderful place. It is a great place for the new dad providing everything you need and a lot of things you don't in the baby center. They provide you with the lowest prices on diapers and formula, and as a new dad you will find out that those things will cost you a fortune so every little bit counts. The list of quality items does not stop there. Braden already has the entire collection of Wal-Mart clothes and toys. Not to mention that we got his swing, bouncy chair, high chair, pack and play, and various other necessities there too. Wal-Mart also provides you with budget pricing on everything from food to bathroom supplies to toys to anything else you can imagine. Now they offer the same brands of TVs, computers, cameras and other electronics as the specialty stores. There is really no reason for the new dad not to love Wal-Mart. As I have said many times in my life, "If Wal-Mart doesn't have it...You don't need it." So I am glad that Sam Walton is a fellow Arkansas. I am glad that he built the largest retailer in the world. And most of all I am glad that I live only 1/2 mile from the nearest Wal-Mart.