Twin Girls: To Do List

We found out one week ago that we are having twin girls. I am very excited about the opportunity to learn all about the father/daughter relationship. I am certain that I will be powerless against these little angels. Even though it is very exciting, it is never too early to start a to do list in order to prepare our family for those teenage years.

I tried to rise above the fray and not make all the normal girl jokes, but I just couldn't help it. The jokes are all teed up and just waiting for me to take a swing. So here they are in top ten to do list form. I did sneak a serious one in there as well. Well maybe I should say more serious because I have to give all these items consideration.

1. Find the guy responsible for the Coors Light twins commercial and strike him down.
2. Get the Double Mint guy next.
3. Upgrade from single barrel shotgun to double barrel.
4. Enroll Braden in MMA fighting class at earliest opportunity.
5. Get meaner dogs.
6. Call Bear Grylls and learn some of those dead fall trap techniques.
7. Develop War Face.
8. Pro/Con list on mote versus castle wall.
9. Start long campaign to convince Arica we need a more public weapons display in our home.
10. Be a better husband to set a good example for the girls on how they deserve to be treated.

Top Ten Thoughts On Twins

I promise that I will have a serious take on this matter coming soon. Then in the months to follow I will have every different kind of update and philosophical pondering. Of course those will be blended well with OH %!@# moments. The truth of the matter is that every thought I have is consumed by this situation. But for now I just want to laugh. So here is a light hearted list of the top ten things I thought when informed we were having twins.

1. I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
2. Holy #$%!#
3. Are you drunk lady?
4. How many is twins?
5. I wonder if Wal Mart is hiring.
6. Do they give "father of twins" discounts at the nut house?
7. This lady is about as funny as George Lopez.
8. One fish. Two fish. Red fish. Blue fish.
9. Two more and we've got a basketball team.
10. Breathe.

Father's Day Wish List

Sunday is Father's Day. This means that philandering nogoodnik Tiger Woods will be playing the US Open Golf Championship and I will be eating my weight in fatty southern delights.

It also means it is time to celebrate Dad's. That is a big time for us Dad bloggers. I guess it is our moment in the sun.

Dad's influence their children in so many ways. They teach us the lessons of life, right from wrong, and why you should never pee into the wind. My Dad certainly taught me a lot of important things, but he did more than that. He also shaped my interests. He helped me grow to love baseball by coaching me for many years. He influenced me to love animals because he raised more critters than the St. Louis Zoo. Those shared interests carry on to this Day.

This year on Father's Day I thought I would make a list of things that I hope I can influence Braden to enjoy or participate in. Of course I want him to be a Hog fan, a Cardinal fan, a hunter, and a fisherman. Those are all the big building blocks of who he will become. Today I would rather talk about some little things. After all you need the little things to be the cement that holds those big blocks together. One could never truly build a personality or true character without the cement. 

Without further ado here is my wish list of things I hope Braden will pick up from his old man.

1. Dislike of anything related to the Texas Longhorns
2. The love of French Onion dip
3. The ability to recite The Streak by Ray Stephens
4. How to properly eat Buffalo Wings
5. The proper way to accuse a video game of cheating
6. Love of War movies and Clint Eastwood
7. The appreciation for a well dressed hot dog like a Chicago Style Dog
8. When to properly quote Caddyshack
9. How to tie a square knot with his teeth
10. The desire for grilling perfection

Happy Father's Day to my Dad and all the other Great Dads out there.

18 Months, What Have We Learned?

Today marks 18 months since that incredible day when Braden was born.  For the past 18 months I have been at various stages of confused, overwhelmed, overjoyed, proud, tired, and frustrated. Despite the steep learning curve the Life of a New Dad has been a lot of fun. I can't believe so much time has passed already.

I won't be saying Happy 18 month birthday to Braden because that makes no sense. A birthday is just that, the day of birth. I will say thanks Braden for the greatest year and a half of my life.  You are an amazing little boy and are certainly a much more wonderful gift than I ever deserved.

Although this idea is not completely original, even in this space, I thought it would be fun to note some of the things I have learned over the past 18 months.

1. Immobile babies should be enjoyed thoroughly for their immobility.
2. You can do a surprising amount of things, including complex engineering, on little to no sleep.
3. I need a lot more patience. Even after 18 months I still struggle with that most days.
4. If we could harness toddler energy we could power the entire planet.
5. Trying to follow a TV show while keeping up with Braden is about like reading a book while someone beats you over the head with a mallet.
6. Declaring "Bath Time!" is the equivalent of a parenting time out that can save you from some tough spots.
7. I am willing to sit through any amount of insanely annoying children's TV shows if they just make Braden stop crying.
8. Clip! Clop! Riding on a Pony!....Sorry. Too much Barney yesterday. That just proves my point.
9. You cannot fit all of your old hobbies and habits into 1/3 of the time. After having kids cuts will have to be made. I am still working on this one too.
10. Becoming a first time parent is like taking your prior life and inserting it into a roller coaster ride. It is difficult at times to keep your balance and staying on track often challenges the very laws of physics, but it sure is a thrilling ride. There's a lot better chance that you'll get puked on too.

Top 10 List For Dads

I have been struggling a bit with the blog lately, which is probably obvious already due to my lack of posts the last two weeks. I have struggled to find ideas. I have struggled to find time. I have even struggled to find the desire to write lately. I have given up on random thoughts because they weren't working for me anymore. Plus the fifth ranked keyword for my site according to my Google masters is "random". That is a little much so I must turn to other gimmicks when ideas are scarce. Today's gimmick is the top 10 list. I hope you enjoy the top 10 things I have learned from being a Dad.

1. Curious George is a trouble maker.
2. The top 4 needs for raising a child are food, clothing, shelter, and batteries.
3. Sleep is a luxury much like all beef hot dogs and imported beer.
4. If children ever try to take over the world, Elmo will be their leader.
5. A screaming child can put more pressure on you than the U.N. Maybe we should send some screaming kids to Iran to discuss their nuclear enrichment programs.
6. Children instinctively know how to throw fits much the same way deer instinctively know that 2-legged creatures with orange hats are up to no good.
7. Changing dirty diapers is one of the easiest things about parenting.
8. Every piece of advice you have ever read or been told is just a suggestion. There are no hard and fast rules.
9. It's easier to reason with wild hog in a gorilla suit than an angry toddler.
10. Parenting is a contact sport.

Scotland: To Do List

It's official. I am going to Scotland. I made my flight reservations on Tuesday. While this is not undoable it pretty well sets everything in concrete. It makes what we have all been avoiding a reality. My plane leaves August 1st, and I won't be back for three weeks. I have spent plenty of time crying about leaving home before. I am not going to do that today. Maybe later we can revisit the whole travelling with a family angle. Today I am keeping it fun. Below is my list of things that I want to do while in Scotland. I am sure I will come up with some others, but for now here is my top ten list.

1. Drink a beer in a local pub. You could call this a dream of mine.
2. Eat Haggis.
3. Get a picture of that damn Loch Ness Monster.
4. See a castle.
5. Laugh at a guy wearing a kilt.
6. Find the perfect place and time to recite the line, "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!!"
7. Find out why it is called Scotch tape rather than Scottish tape.
8. Listen in on some live bagpipe music.
9. Use the term lassie properly in a sentence not referring to a television collie.
10. Talk up a local about his feelings on William Wallace.