Dad Does Random Jobs

As a Dad you wear many hats. You have to be a teacher, mentor, cook, baby sitter, and chauffeur. These are just some of the normal jobs that you can expect. Recently I had to go MacGuyver and fashion a band-aid small enough for Braden's finger from a regular adult band-aid. A snip here and a snip there and we were done. That got me thinking what other random jobs might be a part of my life with Braden. With creative children's doctor topping the list, here are the others I came up with.

1. Creative children's Doctor


2. Dog Wrangler - Keeping Braden safe from charges or pack aggressiveness


3. Movie Screener - Finding out what is acceptable and what is not


4. Toy tester - My excuse for playing with Braden's toys


5. Philosopher - Philosophizing about all life's questions


6. Referee - I can already see the need to officiate fights with Braden and his cousin.


7. Taste Tester - Is this too hot, too cold, too salty?


8. Fashion Consultant - on second thought that is a mommy skill (and wife)


9. Mechanical Assembly - My Dad always claimed it was tough putting together the Millennium Falcon and other Star Wars toys now it is my turn.


10. Repair Technician - Fixing the toys I put together poorly (think duct tape and super glue)


11. Inspector - Did you brush your teeth? Is your room clean?


12. Scout - Like the movie reviewer of life I must scout locations and events.


13. Pack Mule - I am already living this dream. It takes about 40 bags to go anywhere with a baby.


14. Guinea Pig - I see a life full of being Braden's test subject.


15. Step Ladder - I can be used to see from the height of about 6 feet which is much higher than Braden's vantage point.
    
16. Engine - car engine, wagon engine, etc. etc.


17. Stand up Comic - Laughter is the best medicine


18. Life Guard - "No Running!" That is all I ever heard at the local pool as a kid.


19. Braden Wrangler - to protect the dogs from charges or aggressiveness


20. Relief Pitcher - When I come home from work Arica usually needs some help from the bullpen.

Where Can I Find Dad Training?

We all enter this wild world of fatherhood with no training and virtually no good advice. Of course there is plenty of advice but notice that I said good advice. The only thing I was told, over and over again, was to get plenty fo sleep before our son's arrival. Everyone goes on and on about the lack of sleep. One of my friends even gave me a prescription for Ambien. Of course he is in no way, shape, or form a doctor so I suppose he was kidding. At least I hope he was kidding. There are a million things you need to know or learn in order to be a good dad, but there seems to be no way to learn these skills other than trial and error.

I received several years of training in order to be an engineer. Accountants have their special training and CPA exams. Doctor's and Lawyers have their own post graduate schools to prepare them for their careers. Fatherhood is the most important job that any man will ever have, and there is no training available. Your wife has a baby, and bang, just like that you are a dad. Never fear my friends I have found a wonderful place to turn for dad training. That place is Clown School.

It makes perfect sense as a training ground for new dads. In the beginning you are the child's only means of entertainment. I have found myself singing, dancing, making faces, and every other stupid thing you can imagine. A dad could benefit from learning to perform under pressure as well. Sometimes your child is screaming and only your actions or gestures can make them stop. It is like the kid is on fire and you just want to put him out, yet you don't know what will actually quench the fire. That is the kind of performance under pressure that clown school can help you with. I am certain that the skills learned in clown school could be applied to fit all your needs and molded to include all your kid's toys. After all, isn't a clown's job to entertain kids?

I looked into the Academy of Performing Arts in Clowning and found that their list of courses absolutely backs up my idea. You can see the entire list here. I think we can skip the courses on The Clown Look. I don't know about you personally, but I look like a clown quite enough without the makeup. The next category is a virtual treasure chest of skills that every dad could use. Some of them are balloon twisting, juggling, puppetry, crafts, games, storytelling, and bubbles. Maybe you are the type of dad that likes to plan out a performance. Clown School has the courses you need under comedy material including skit performance, physical comedy, and the use of props. If you are not already contemplating signing up for clown school then hear this. They even give you guidelines for use in all the places you take your kids like restaurants, daycare, parties, and church.

I am sad that I am just thinking of this now. I could have been better prepared for the job of entertaining Braden. I could have been better prepared next time a "fire" breaks out in the restaurant or at a birthday party. It may be too late for me but please tell all your friends who are expecting. There is finally a place where us new dads can learn the skills needed to survive.

Learning to Stretch a Dollar

The list of skills required for fatherhood is as long as the Nile and meanders through as much foreign territory as the Amazon. The skills are very often learned as you go. The more obvious skills to learn are those about how to care for your child including changing diapers, feeding a bottle, giving a bath, dressing little people and so on. There are also the tasks of how to teach them manners, values, and other things that are important to you as a parent. Their is really no warning for what skills you might need. Things just pop up and demand attention from time to time.

The skill that has been on my mind lately is how to stretch a dollar. I never thought much about where I spent my money earlier in life. As a kid I didn't have any money so it was none of my concern. It was for the grown-ups to worry about. In college I still didn't worry about it because...well I was a college kid. The weekend party was more important than the amount of money in the bank. As some of my old bank records surely show, I spent money whether I had it in the bank or not. When I graduated from college I was single for 5 years. I had a good job and no real debt to worry about. As you might imagine I was handing out money like Jimmy Conway on Goodfellas.

Later in life things come along that change the way you spend money. The first thing is marriage. Now you are spending money for two rather than one. For the first time in my life I had to consider someone else. It is not a good thing that I made it this far without learning to share, but somehow I did it anyway. After marriage the next step is certainly children. Now we have a beautiful boy that is the focal point of our spending. I am not complaining about any of this. Your children should be the focal point of not only your money but your attention as well. I am only noting how stretching a dollar is a skill. Some people learn it earlier in life while others like myself only learn it when it is absolutely necessary.

This is a natural part of becoming a husband and a father. When you have those titles your focus has to shift from yourself to the others that you care about. I think this line of thinking is why several guys I know will probably never get married. They are unable to give up being the most important person all of the time. Before marriage and fatherhood a new fishing rod was a necessity right along with food and clothing. After having children you learn that is a luxury item that you probably don't need right now. Before having children eating out whenever you felt like it was common place. Now there is a pantry full of quick and cost effective meals. Before having children I loved going to the track. If you read regularly you know that I still go to the track occasionally. Track visits show that I still have some money management skills to learn because that is not the best use of our money.

I don't mean for this post to sound like a bitter dad that can't spend money on himself. I am merely noting the changes that have occurred. We are using coupons, bargain hunting, and all the other things you can do to stretch a dollar. I think I am getting better at this skill although I will probably always struggle. Somewhere in this rambling post lies one of the true beauties of fatherhood. The things you would do for your children know no bound. I certainly would give up the track, the new rod, eating out and anything else for Braden and Arica. I would eat bologna and ramen noodles for the rest of my life if that is what it takes. Stretching a dollar with your family is a million times better than spending freely alone.