The Quest for Sleep

I have ventured off into my thoughts on video games and television and haven't shared anything about life with my son lately. One of the biggest adjustments for me was trying to function on a few hours of sleep every night. I have come up with some stages that I went through on my quest for sleep. Not unlike Frodo and Sam's quest to destroy the ring this quest is long and difficult and at times will seem impossible but it can be conquered. Here are the stages I went through.

1. What do we do?
2. Calmly trying to sleep
3. Desperately trying to sleep
4. Finding a rhythm
5. Your on your own

What do we do?

This is the stage you are in when you return from the hospital. Your friends have warned you that you won't get any sleep but that is all you know. What will happen? How will we share the responsibility? At our house we started with the boy sleeping in a cradle in our room. I suggest having the baby sleep in your room for some time at first. It is easier since you will be up fifty times a night to feed him. Also the new mom will undoubtedly wake up to check on the baby every time he makes a sound if she sleeps at all. New moms are crazy like that. We pretty much did everything as a team for a couple of weeks. My wife would change his diaper and I would go to the kitchen to make a bottle. This is a good strategy because it gives everyone confidence in handling the baby because there is always support. This is a terrible strategy because neither of you ever get a full nights sleep.



Calmly trying to sleep

After a few weeks of this you will be miserable. Once you have been in a mindless state for a fortnight you are ready to adjust your plan. We started by sharing the nights. One of us would stay up until the boy went to sleep which was usually around 2 o'clock. Then the other teammate would get up at the next feeding time. During all of this the baby is still eating ever 2-3 hours so you get no sleep during your shift. We would alternate shifts every night. When the boy would go to sleep we would ease back into our bedroom and put him in the cradle. This started one of the worst chapters of the entire quest for sleep saga. You would work forever to get him to sleep then as soon as he hit the mattress those big dark eyes would open and stare back at you. I know that your child's beautiful eyes can bring you a smile on the darkest of days. But at 3 am when he suddenly awakens and stares at you as if to say what's up you just want to jump screaming out of the window and run for the hills. During this sleepless chapter of our lives my wife and I continued to try and try every night until he would finally sleep in his cradle. We didn't want him forming bad habits about where he slept so most of our nights read like the back of a shampoo bottle. Rock to sleep, rinse, repeat. We would let him sleep in the swing or bouncy chair during the day but not at night. We were determined.

Desperately trying to sleep

This went on for a while and neither of us was getting any sleep. We finally decided to break up the shift work and just alternate nights. This way we could get a full nights sleep every other night. Still this hurt our family life. Whomever had the night off would go to bed early or fall asleep on the couch. Neither of us was ever in a good mood. You start to wonder if you will even survive this sleepless hell. One particularly difficult night I woke up to my boy screaming. I found my wife completely exhausted and frustrated. She was at her wits end. I took over the shift so she could go to bed. I stayed in the living room with the boy the rest of the night. I moved the pack and play into the living room and put him in. Then a miracle occurred. He slept. So for the next few nights we put the pack and play in the bedroom with us. Life was wonderful. The boy slept and we stayed in the bed together. Of course we got up a couple of times a night to feed him but that was OK. He was no longer waking up every time we laid him down. This only lasted a few days. All of a sudden he hated the pack and play so the quest for sleep shifted gears. My wife tried using the crib in his room. Apparently he liked this now. We put an air up mattress on the floor in his room and one of us slept there every night. This lasted about a week. Then he quit sleeping in his crib. At this point we had been through the cradle, the pack and play, and the crib. We were running out of places for the boy to sleep outside of a few cardboard boxes I had in the attic. We were desperate. This is where all the good intentions of following advice you read or you get from health care professionals goes out the window. We no longer gave a crap about forming bad habits or anything else. If we couldn't find a way to get some sleep there was going to be a homicide at our address. We gave in and started letting him sleep in the swing.



Finding a rhythm

We are currently finding a rhythm that has restored order and peace to our home. The boy is sleeping in his swing every night. We are not even trying anything else. We will worry about that later. I haven't mentioned but through this ordeal he has started eating more and less often. Now the boy goes 4 hours between meals during the day and 5 or 6 hours at night. We take turns sleeping on the couch beside his swing. This has been going on for about 2-3 weeks. Lately the boy has been asleep by midnight. He will wake up and eat a little around 4 or 5. Then he sleeps until 8 or 9 before eating again. From where we have been this seems like heaven. Both of us are getting a pretty good nights sleep every night. All that remains is for us to one day again sleep in the same bed. I can't wait for that day but I will be satisfied with our new rhythm for now.



Your on your own

I assume this is the next step. We have not made it there so I might learn that there are a few detours still yet to take. This is the step where you put your baby in his crib in his room and go sleep in your bed in your room. My wife will have a really hard time with this. I am sure one day I will have to insist that she comes back to bed with me. We will worry about that when the boy starts rolling out of his swing. I figure that is a good time to put him back in the crib. I hope that goes relatively smoothly because I don't want to revisit any of Dante's 9 circles of hell.


The quest for sleep is a long and arduous road if you have a non sleeper. Some people will have babies that sleep all night right from the start. To these people I say get out of my face before I strike you. If you are currently on your own quest for sleep good luck and god speed.

Arkansas Beats Texas

I know this is a new dad blog but I had to write about my beloved Hogs beating arch rival #7 ranked Texas last night. Arkansas basketball had been largely irrelevant for some time but this year's team is trying to change that. Arkansas has now beat 2 top 10 teams in a week (Oklahoma and Texas). This team under Coach Pelphrey plays with an intensity and toughness that hog fans have not seen since the days of Nolan Richardson. Most of that is due to Coach Pelphrey's own personality. He recruits players that will play with the same fire that he played with and currently coaches with. After sleepy Stan Heath and his band of care free knuckleheads it is a treat to watch a team that plays as hard as this one. The Hogs have 2 stars in freshman point guard Courtney Fortson and Junior post player Michael Washington. Fortson makes this team go. Without him they would not win anything. His toughness and leadership sets the tone. He has amazing ball handling and passing skills. Whether he scores or not he is making this team better by setting up his teammates and handling the ball about 90% of the time. He is a true leader and will be a star. Washington sat behind a big group of upperclassmen post players for his first 2 years. He never found a roll with that team. Now he is the entire inside game all to himself. He has good size and great quickness for his size. He has proven to be a difficult match up for everyone we have faced including player of the year front runner Blake Griffin. Washington is currently putting up 20 points and 10 rebounds a game which is enough to put him on the short list of best players in the SEC. This team has proven it can beat anyone at home but the true measure of their success will be determined by how they perform on the road. With the effort and toughness they have displayed so far I would not bet against them. GO HOGS!

I Love the DVR

I have to admit that I spend way too much time watching TV. Most of that is due to the wonderful device that we all know and love....The DVR. Years ago I only watched sports or sitcoms. I don't even know how television drama's survived. In order to follow one you had to schedule TV nights in which you could not be interrupted for anything. I was never at home enough to follow a weekly show. There is nothing worse than watching a few episodes and then missing an important one because you are out with friends or even worse you are fulfilling some work obligation. After that you are lost for the rest of the season. That all changed for me when I purchased a TIVO about 5 years ago. The TIVO was the single most life changing invention in my life, next to the Internet of course. I have said many times I would give up air conditioning before I would my DVR.

Now it is January and the new seasons of a lot of winter shows are starting up. My favorite show on TV, Lost, is set to return later this month. Also returning are are favorites 24, Friday Night Lights and the continuation of House. It is hard enough to find time to fit that many TV shows into normal life but with a new baby I am sure it will be next to impossible. So today I want to thank the wonderful people at TIVO for getting this digital video recording age started. Even though I have switched to a regular DVR that my cable company provides I will always love TIVO.

As new parents my wife and I can't watch a 30 minute episode of TV without having to get up and change a diaper, make a bottle, or deal with other baby emergencies. There is no way we could deal with the crazy 2 and 3 hour season premieres of 24 and Lost. In a world with DVR's we can pause the TV for every little interruption and turn the episode into a marathon event or we can wait until the little one takes a nap and dive in head first. I am against it but the episodes can be saved for another day in an emergency. Of course the alternative to this would be racing around during commercials trying to satisfy a screaming baby. And let me tell you the baby has no regard for what you are doing. He will interrupt dinner, shower, reading, TV, chores or even adult activities. As a new parent be sure to say thanks for the DVR and enjoy the new television season.

Diaper Fear

Men are a tough and fearless bunch. We take great pride in being unmovable rocks. Men will climb the highest mountain braving the elements, dodging bears and snakes just to get a shot at a big buck. Some even climb the highest mountain just to say they did. We refuse to ever cry or even care about the sob stories we see on TV or hear from our wives. We are unmovable. When I was a kid my dad raised ducks. He used to reach into the wood duck boxes without a care in the world. I saw him pullout a snake and a screech owl with his bare hand and he just went on to the next box. This is the kind of thing that we do. All men grow up wanting to be tough like their Dad or John Wayne or Clint Eastwood. We are taught that showing fear is not an option and will get you evicted from the man club. However, there is one thing that strikes fear into the heart of every man across the globe......The Dirty Diaper!

When our son was born I obviously had no experience with the dirty diaper. I am sure that some men get experience from younger family members but not me. Actually if you see a man that has experience with a dirty diaper before he has his own child be wary. I am sure there are circumstances that could lead to such a situation but it just seems abnormal. I completely avoided the dirty diaper for about a week. I tried not to change any diapers to make sure that I didn't get a surprise. If you have never had a child I am here to tell you that the first few weeks are a highly stressful situation. There are people around all the time. The baby needs something every minute and you have to deal with this all on no sleep. Needless to say avoiding diaper changes led to a slight altercation with my wife so I promised to join in.

I changed some wet diapers and thought that was easy enough. It will help you get used to putting a diaper on a wiggling, crying, uncooperative person. It also allows you to get comfortable with your involvement in the genital region. I have a boy so I am OK. I would imagine that with a little girl this can be even more unnerving at first. Now I am feeling more comfortable and one early morning when I am alone with the boy he drops one on me. The first one was pretty small. There was no major smearing of poo up the legs or all over the bottom. This is a good thing. From there I just went on changing diapers dealing with the dirty ones as they came.

Eventually you will get one that is full and smeared everywhere. While you are trying to clean all the poo off of his entire body you will invariably get some on your hand. It will not be a pleasant experience. This yellow substance smells awful. It is like some foreign matter that only exists in a babies diaper and you certainly don't want it on your hand. As terrible as it seems I think when it happens you turn a corner. I thought to myself that the worst has happened. My son has pooped on me and I am going to live. After that dirty diapers become a part of your world just like baseball or a cold beer.

I am aware that the older generation of tough guys does not do dirty diapers. I am also aware that some of you have wives that will let you avoid the dirty diaper as well. To you I say congratulations. For those of you that are approaching this for the first time I suggest you help with the dirty diapers unless you want to wake up one night to see your wife leaning over you with a meat cleaver and a psychotic smile. It is not too bad and it goes along way towards peace in the home. Personally I find it hilarious that I was ever scared at all because now I am exponentially more afraid of snakes, bears, and Whoopi Goldberg than I am a dirty diaper..

A New Year for a New Dad

The New Year always brings forth a tremendous amount of celebration around the world. People seem to find some comfort in putting behind troubles of the past year and looking forward to a new beginning. One of the "working girls" celebrating with Lt. Dan and Forrest in the movie Forrest Gump says, "Everyone gets to start over." I have never really bought in to all of this excitement. Don't get me wrong I have attended many a New Year celebration but I am typically there just to have fun the same as I would be if someone invited me to a party on any Friday night.

This year I have a reason to look forward to 2009 as sort of a new beginning. My son was born in November so 2009 is the first full year for me as a Father. I will go through many firsts and live what is a completely different life. Looking at it this way is exciting. Now my son gurgles and laughs a bit but by the end of the 2009 he will be talking. Now he is completely immobile. He can't even roll over yet. During the year he will start crawling and by the end of 2009 he will be walking. Now he relies totally on me to play with the toys but by the end of 2009 he will be able to play with his little basketball goal he got for Christmas. These are just some of the major changes that will happen in 2009. I am sure that I cannot even imagine all the things that will happen and that will change.

It is with the enthusiasm of William and Clark as they headed out on their journey that I begin this new year. I will face obstacles like the famous explorers. I may not be in danger of starvation or death but I certainly will face things just as strange to me as all the new sights that journey unveiled for Mr. Lewis and Mr. Clark. With that I say welcome to 2009 and the adventure to come.