Major Accomplishment

As we travel through life what we might consider a major accomplishment changes quite dramatically. As a child you probably get excited about an "A" on your spelling test. As you get a bit older your proudest accomplishment might be that home run you hit in little league. As a high-schooler you would be proud to make the honor roll or get a college scholarship. After high school the accomplishments get a bit less ambitious for some of us. I have to admit that drinking a whole case of beer without getting sick or passing out was considered among the greatest accomplishments a man could achieve during my college years. Another less than stellar goal could be to eat the old 96er like John Candy did on The Great Outdoors.

When you get married these things change, and when you have children they change even more. Last night our family accomplished something wonderful. Braden, who has been sleeping in his swing for a couple months, actually slept in his crib from 1 to 6 this morning. Normally he is asleep earlier than that, but I am still ecstatic. What makes me even happier is that he fell asleep on his own. I tried 3 or 4 times to put him to sleep then lay him in the crib. Every time he would wake up. Eventually it was time to feed him again because he was still awake. After feeding him I gently placed him in the crib again, and I saw the dreaded open eye stare looking back at me. At this point I was ready to try something else. I set up what I will call a children's projector to occupy Braden. This thing, which is actually called the Fisher Price Musical Projector Soother, projects images onto the ceiling above Braden's bed for him to watch. It also plays music in your choice of classical, lullabies, or nature sounds. I went with the classical and set the projector for 15 minutes.

It was my mission to fall asleep before the thing went off, and hopefully I could sleep through Braden's grunting and squirming after that. To be honest I only turned the music on to help drown out those same sounds. Then something magical happened. There were no more sounds emanating from the crib. Was Braden alive? I had to check and to my surprise I found that he was asleep. As far as I can remember this is the first time he has ever fallen asleep without an assist from Mom or Dad. I think the classical music did the trick because I found myself going into a sleepy trance listening to it as well. I don't know what classical melodies were part of the play list, but they seemed to work on Braden. I once took fine arts musical in college but it didn't stick. I can sing you every song Hank Williams ever wrote but classical music is lost on me. The only thing I remember from the class is we once discussed "Hotel California". It is a classic for sure but not classical. Nonetheless Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, or some other virtuoso helped us with this great achievement.

Now we are a little bit closer to reaching that final step in the Quest for Sleep. The step that I once called on this site "You're on your own." Now our goal as a family is much the same as an invading force. We must push ahead so we don't lose any of our earlier gains. It seems like such a little thing when a person sleeps in their own bed, but in the world of a new parent it is bigger than almost anything including drinking an entire case of beer.

Winnie the Pooh

In this tough economic climate I have found one guy that is just as busy as ever. He's a tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff. If that doesn't ring a bell and you some how missed the title, I am talking about Winnie the Pooh. Pooh has been around forever and based on a quick gander around Braden's room he appears to be gaining strength.

A.A. Milne wrote stories about the honey crazed bear based on his son Christopher Robin's stuffed bear Winnie the Pooh. Pooh's friends were based on other stuffed animals and a few real animals living near their home. He was first published all the way back in 1926, so Pooh was actually around before Babe Ruth hit 60 home runs. He was around a long time before WWII and he is still around today. Later the Walt Disney machine got their hands on Pooh and put him on the big screen in 1966. He is still gracing the small screen today with a show called My Friends Tigger and Pooh . Tigger apparently has grown in popularity that rivals his chubby honey eating friend.

I am frankly amazed at the exposure this bear is still getting after 80 years. We have more Pooh or Tigger branded things than I can count. We have pants, shirts, shoes, socks, hats, bibs, pajamas, and coats from the clothing department. We have towels, wash cloths, and robes from the bathing department. We have rattles, keys, and crawling talking Pooh in the toy department. I almost forgot that we have blankets too. Pooh and friends even make their appearance on diapers and wipe boxes. These are just the things that can be found in our home. A quick glance at the Internet shows you can find strollers, car seats, high chairs, swings, bouncy chairs, lamps, books, movies, more toys, cups, humidifiers, teethers, diaper bags, and even a battery powered Tigger toothbrush. Basically Disney has put Pooh or Tigger on anything they can market to children or parents, and if you have had a child recently you know that is a ridiculous amount of stuff.

Everywhere I look I see his face. He outnumbers me in my own home about 100 to 1. Most people fear nuclear war, terrorists, global warming or some other possible doom. I admit there are plenty of other things to fear, but I fear Winnie the Pooh. While the old song claimed he was a willy, nilly, silly old bear, I am going to keep my eye on him just in case.

I love Trivia

I love playing trivia games. When I was young I remember Mom and Dad playing Trivial Pursuit at the church every once in a while. My Dad seemed particularly keen on the game. At the time it seemed like a weird game with a wagon wheel shaped board to me. I was more interested in games with colorful creative boards like Chutes and Ladders.

Later in life Trivial Pursuit would become my favorite board game. A high school history teacher helped fan the flames of my love for trivia. She was a difficult teacher with not too many fans among the students. She gave tons of notes but if you finished early there was a reward. With any time left in class we were allowed to play trivial pursuit. If we took notes at warp speed sometimes we were even allowed full class periods to play. That was worth all the note taking in the world to me. The same teacher was the sponsor for the high school cheerleaders. She and the cheerleaders rode the bus to every basketball game with the team. They were required to sit in the front to make sure there was no funny business. Our senior year a friend of mine and myself sat up front with them and played tension filled games of Trivial Pursuit on the way to every ballgame. We always won (the trivia not the ballgames). For that matter I almost never lost at this game to anyone. I guess that is why I like it so much. It is easy to like something when you are good at it.

I also love Jeopardy. I still watch it a few times a week via the magic of the DVR. Remember I love the DVR. When I was a kid my Dad, my brother, and I played Jeopardy on the original Nintendo. It was a fun game but you had to spell out all the answers. This led to a little problem for my Dad. While he is a math and history whiz among other things, he had trouble spelling some of the answers. Of course my brother and I would never help him. Looking back that was terrible of us and I am sorry we did that. At this age Dad was still able to beat us at trivia, but somewhere along the way he passed the crown on to his kids. It's not easy to pinpoint when it happens, but one day you realize that you are consistently beating your Dad or Mom or other formerly superior trivia buff.

As I watch Jeopardy in the evenings with Braden on my lap I find myself wondering when it will happen to me. Children have a way of making you face scary things such as growing old and your own mortality. I am not currently having any grown up issues like that. I am more concerned about the impending death of my trivia reign. Braden will no doubt be a smart little fellow. He will play these games with me much as I did with my Dad. He will think that his Dad is so smart and be in awe of my skills. Then one day it will be different. He will pass me by like a thief in the night. Memory like athletic skill always fades with age. I am now finding that sometimes it's difficult to think of the answers fast enough on Jeopardy. It is very frustrating when you know the answer but your brain is holding you hostage for a few extra seconds. Athletic prowess has largely left me behind already, so I am particularly fond of my remaining abilities. That is why I am not crazy about relinquishing my trivia crown. In the end I will certainly take joy in all Braden's accomplishments even if they come at my expense. Furthermore, I hope I am a good enough father to raise Braden in a such a way that he overtakes me in a lot of areas much more important that trivia.

Learning New Words

An entire lexicon of strange words is out there waiting for unsuspecting new dads. Some words are used in the regular world but not normally by people like me. Using these words is not an option because I have a reputation to uphold. I am not talking about some of the 4 letter words that you feel like screaming after a tough day. I am talking about baby words. These are the words that you learn for the first time when you have a baby or words that creep into your vocabulary unsuspectingly due to the condition of fatherhood.

One of the words that I don't think any self respecting man uses is "poop". As a grown man I had never used the word poop. I am certain of that. Since Braden has arrived not only do I use it every day but I have written 2 blog posts about poop for the whole world to see. Other words that I have heard but previously never used are passie, onesie and the entire -ie family. Apparently adding -ie to the end of a word transforms any word to baby lingo.

There are also some words whose mere existence is unknown to single or childless men. I think women are born with a knowledge of most of these words. What is not innate they must pick up from their girlfriends or some of those magazines crowding the check out isles at Wal-Mart. Us guys don't learn the words until the first time our wife shares them with us. We get a stupid look on our face and say "Huh?". At this moment we become enlightened. Eventually despite our best efforts we will use these words too. Two of these new words that may come into play after birth are cradle cap and colic. Thankfully Braden has escaped both conditions, especially the latter, but I learned these words anyway due to diligent baby preparation. While there are plenty of normal words to learn, Pregnancy terms are the real vocabulary jungle. Every word referring in any way to pregnancy is new to a first time expectant father. This is an entirely unknown land to the pre-baby male persuasion. Some of them are frightening if I can be perfectly honest. Just some of the many pregnancy words I learned are crowning, breech, amniotic sac, effacement and my personal favorite fundus. It is just fun to say fundus.

I know that vocabulary is just the beginning of my education. If we should truly try to learn something new everyday then becoming a father is the never ending fountain of knowledge that will help us achieve that goal.

Wish List

I am not a dreamer here to wish for world peace or an end to poverty. I dare not even dream big enough to wish for a four wheeler or a new truck. I am wishing for all the little things that everyone else overlooks. I think these wishes deserve to be heard because to borrow from Dr. Seuss, "Wishes are wishes no matter how small."

1. I wish I could get more links and followers for my blog. Feel free to help this wish come true. Thanks to Al Bundy at Husband Land for helping this dream come true before I even asked.
2. I wish I could go to the moon without all the inconvenience of space travel.
3. I wish every restaraunt would deliver not just pizza and Chinese.
4. I wish American Idol would stop interrupting every TV show on Fox during the spring.
5. I wish every baseball player that took steroids would be forced into a steel cage death match with someone that took more steroids.
6. I wish that Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David would team up again during my life time.
7. I wish Reese's would just make their regular cups as thick as the holiday versions like the Easter eggs.
8. I wish TV land or someone else would put reruns of Cheers back on the air. I miss them.
9. I wish Braden would magically start sleeping in his bed rather than his swing.
10. I wish big scary beards would become cool so I could stop shaving.
11. I wish the movie theaters would lower their prices during recessions. If gas and grocery prices can go down why not matinee tickets.
12. I wish comedic actors would retire at their career peaks rather than giving us movies like "Meet Dave" and "Funny Money".
13. I wish I could apply for a position at Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
14. I wish horseshoes was an olympic sport.
15. I wish Wal-Mart would surprise me one day and have every register open at the same time.
16. I wish there was an instruction guide to tipping. I am losing track of everyone I am supposed to tip.
17. I wish furniture quality was in some way relative to the price.
18. I wish I understood baby talk so I could hear what Braden has to say.
19. I wish everyone would give hot dogs a break.
20. I wish I had something better to write about.