Stealing A Line From Classic Winnie the Pooh

I wrote a post a long time ago about the presence of Winnie the Pooh in our home.  While Pooh has become less visible lately he still lurks in some unsuspecting places.  Braden has a little Pooh basketball goal in the bath tub.  Last night during bath time I felt compelled by Pooh's plastic mug to start singing the Winnie the Pooh song.

Everybody sing with me.

Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. Tubby little Cubby all stuffed with fluff. He's Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. Willy nilly silly ole bear.

Now that we have that out of the way back to the meat of this little post.  After singing the song I was reminded of the classic Pooh cartoons.  That is one of the reasons I like Pooh. He is older than me.

It's funny what things were said and done in old cartoons or books. We have the original Curious George book. In that story George smokes a pipe.  An author would be drawn and quartered for such an offense in today's society.

As for Pooh it was the matter of poking fun at the less intelligent. Many of Pooh's classic cartoons started with this line, "Being a bear of very little brain..." For example they might say "Being a bear of very little brain Pooh got lost while he was out looking for honey."

I thought it would be fun to apply that line to many of our other cartoon favorites on this Friday afternoon.  I hope you enjoy.

• Being a dinosaur of very little brain when Barney came to life he wasted his time singing nonsensical songs with the neighborhood children rather than living it up.
• Being a girl of very little brain Dora was always lost and asking her viewers for help reading her map.
• Being a tiger of very little brain Tigger spelled his name T-I-double guh-er when everyone knows there is only one "guh" in Tiger.
• Being a sloth of very little brain Snook was always asking an old turtle named Madge stupid questions.
• Being a sponge of very little brain Spongebob lived in a pineapple under the sea rather than seeking out more luxurious accommodations.
• Being a mouse of very little brain...Scratch that. Mickey must have been pretty smart to take over the world like he has.

Being a blogger of very little brain, this is the best I could come up with today. I will try to do better next week.

Telling Your Toddler No

I have been struggling with an area of parenting lately. It has really come to the forefront since Braden started walking in September.  As you can see it has taken me a while to get a grip on the situation.

As parents we always have to make disciplinary decisions. This is not the most important thing in the life of a toddler, but the discipline scale  grows exponentially over the years. A newborn needs zero discipline. A high school student needs a lot.  So where does a 15 month old toddler fit on this scale.

Since Braden started walking he has been into everything.  I was constantly following him around saying no, no, no, no.  At first this seemed like the right thing to do.  He is a smart kid. He will learn what no means and stop doing these things.

WRONG!

Yes he is still clearly smart. Yes he knows what no means. It is actually one of is favorite words. He is constantly telling me no while vigorously shaking his head. Still my word is not the absolute law of the house in his mind like I expected it to be.

As time went by it was lovingly pointed out to me by my wife that I was saying no a lot.  I was determined for Braden to mind so I just kept on with the nightly parade of negatives even after the warning. When I said no he would learn that it meant no.  He would stay out of our things and be a good boy.

Braden continued to ignore my suggestions fairly regularly. I found myself burdened by the worry about his behavior.  Would he mind in the future? Am I raising him right? If I give in will I be spoiling him?

Then I noticed that Braden listened to Arica better than he did me.  She says no too, but she has a different way about it.  She also spends a lot of time each day encouraging the little man rather than constantly hounding him. Braden probably feels more comfortable with her rather than his ever annoying No No Daddy.

As I watched Braden play Saturday night something that Arica had been trying to get through to me finally clicked.  I am spending way too much time trying to boss Braden around, and not nearly enough time having fun with my son.

Braden is just a toddler, and he is always a good boy. He doesn't need to have a drill sergeant to keep him in line. He is still exploring the world and learning at an incredible rate.  If he kept his hands off everything like I wanted he wouldn't ever learn much.  After all what does it hurt if he plays with a few things as long as they aren't dangerous.

Since then we have had as much fun as possible. I know Arica and I will both need our disciplinarian hats in the future. To tell the truth we still need them every day. There are certain things that are off limits.  Unsafe or irreplaceable things should be off limits, but Braden should not be denied his right to curiously explore the world just because his Dad wants to be boss.

Sorry Braden. I promise to lighten up and have more fun from now on. I don't want to miss any more of these amazing toddler times being the No No Guy. Love Daddy.

Dear Albert Pujols

I know that you are busy down in Jupiter Florida.  Full squad spring training workouts start tomorrow. I am sure you and your teammates have plenty to do preparing to defend your NL Central crown. Believe me, as a Cardinal fan for 25 years I would never do anything to derail your preparation for a new season. Much of my summer is spent following your glorious pursuits on the baseball diamond.

You are my favorite player. I remember when you entered the league in 2001.  Tony didn't want to bring you North with the team, but an injury to the ancient Bobby Bonilla gave you a spot on the roster.  You got a hit in that first game in Colorado and the rest, as they say, is history.

More to my point I saw a video on the web yesterday of you working with your oldest son AJ.  You were throwing batting practice, and he was hitting rockets around the cage.  I guess the normal Dad would now use this time to ask you for tips on teaching his son to hit like a big leaguer.

Well, as you can see, I am not the normal Dad. If I were I would not be so confidently penning this letter to my favorite baseball player.  I would not be posting this letter to the world where there is a possibility that you will read it and have a restraining order placed on me.

Because I am not normal I will not ask the standard question.  My question to you is, "Will you please fly me and my son to spring training this year so you can work with him on his swing." Yes I know he is only 15 months old and some people might think it is a little early to start serious instruction.  I disagree. Tiger Woods started at such an age and look how well it turned out for him.

Scratch that last thought.

Nevertheless, I would love an opportunity to work on my son's swing with you in Florida or anywhere else. I prefer Florida though because it is nice and warm. My son, Braden, has a great cut already.  He can swing full force at a ball on a tee and hit it every time.  He drive liners off furniture, walls, down the hall, and off me if I am not ready. Believe me, a lifelong baseball enthusiast, that he is ready to receive your instruction.

I appreciate your prompt response to this matter, and I look forward to working with you.

Your Friend,
Otter

P.S. I have enclosed a photo of Braden's swing for you to study prior to our arrival in Jupiter.

A New Reason to Love Being a Dad

There are so many obvious reasons that fatherhood is great. There are the mushy things like hearing Dada for the first time, or seeing your baby smile when you come home.

Other less sentimental perks are an excuse to play with toys or watch cartoons.  I probably spend an hour a day shooting hoops on Braden's 3 foot basketball goal while watching various animated fare.

The added exercise gained from chasing a wayward toddler could be counted as a plus. The huge mountains of candy the kid acquires from loving family and friends is a perk as well.

Some might even think that having a little guy you can train to feed the dogs and mow the yard is pretty cool.

Yesterday I experienced one of my personal favorite benefits of fatherhood.  Several times a week Braden gets eggs at lunch. This is usually his first meal of the day so he gets breakfast. Sometimes those eggs come with pancakes.  A batch of pancakes contains far too many cakes for the little guy. Have you figured out where I am going yet?

On those days that my lunch time magically coincides with Braden's first meal I get pancakes and eggs for lunch.  This glorious lunch is of course courtesy of my awesome wife. It is also helped by the fact that Braden is not yet able to eat more than 2 or 3 pancakes. Breakfast for lunch is one of the perks I hadn't expected, and I am enjoying it greatly.

Of course the unexpected perks come up every day. Like I said way back in this more serious post, "There is no way you can ever understand what it is like (fatherhood) until it happens to you." You never know what kind of joy your kids will bring into your life.

When that joy manifests itself as a scrumptious breakfast, I make sure to bring my appetite.

The Evolution of a Dinosaur Named Barney

Much has been written about TV and its effects on children.  Should they watch? How much should they watch? The debate rages on.  I think there are plenty of educational TV shows out there that can benefit children. They shouldn't watch too much of course. I certainly hope Braden would rather play outside despite the fact that this seems like a dying pastime. Anyway he should at least watch less TV than his Dad.

I never really worried about Braden watching TV because he wouldn't sit still long enough. He runs and runs and runs through the house all day long. He has been doing this since he started walking in September.  As time went by he would occasionally stop in front of the TV when something caught his eye or more often his ear.  Sometimes he would stop and watch odd things like Dirty Jobs or the Bourne Identity.  No matter what was on TV he would always stop when he heard singing.

As time went by part of his daily routine would be to watch PBS in the morning a little with his Mom. She was learning what shows he liked and watching them with him sometimes.  Most days he watches PBS or other cartoons when he gets up. I need coffee. Braden needs cartoons. Whatever gets you going.

Other days the TV stays on cartoons just in case Braden runs by and decides to stop.  When you have an active toddler in the house encouraging him to stop from time to time is necessary for your sanity.  It is better he stops for educational PBS shows than for ice cream or playing with scissors.

The first show Arica noticed that Braden liked was "It's a Big Big World."  This PBS show comes on at noon every day. I have been coming home for lunch every day to eat a sandwich since long before Braden arrived. Now along with the sandwich I work in time to play with Braden and hopefully help Arica out. During these lunches I have seen the big world quite a few times.

Arica says the main character, a sloth named Snook, sounds like he is high.  I have to agree. Snook and his friends also live in the "world tree" and do many environmentally themed shows. One show was about helping the tree.  Helping is just another "h" word to substitute for hugging. I think Snook is a hippie.

What comes right after the tree hugging sloth named Snook?  Barney!!

A lot of people have bad mouthed the purple dinosaur over the years, but as far as I can tell he is a dinosaur sensation. So far Barney is cool with me.  We will see how that changes as I watch him millions of times.

Braden loves Barney. Sometimes when he is in a terrible mood and crying about everything, I will say "let's go watch Barney." When Braden hears this he runs straight for the TV and stands there staring at it. Another time I use this tactic is when he is holding on to his mom crying to be held while she is busy with her hair or makeup or cooking.  When he is like that nothing will deter him, except maybe Barney.

Using these tactics has taught me a lesson though.  Some idiots that make these DVDs put long promos and ads before the main menu. You can't fast forward or skip ahead. You have to watch several of these before you can get to Barney. So be sure to never ask your kid if they want to watch Barney unless the DVD is queued up and ready.

Otherwise they will not stand there all mellowed out like our buddy Snook. They will scream and yell until they hear:

Barney is a Dinosaur from our imagination.....